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Showing posts from 2017

Karaoke: Say Something (by bmikal)

Karaoke: Frozen by bmikal (Originally done by Madonna)

My Version: Dancing On My Own (originally by Robyn)

Goodbye

Nothing can compare to the feeling I've felt
So much empty and overwhelmed

You think I'm dumb and I don't know what you say
Behind my back it's a different page

Smile at me from across the balcony
While you're informing my demise

Why can't you just be honest?
Why all these little lies?

You are a liar
I should of known
Can't be trusted
I'm letting you go

Of all these men that break my heart
You could of changed my mind
But this is an unending fight

But you are a liar
You don't even try
No apologies
It's time for goodbye
It's time for goodbye

If don't want to be friends, then let's just end it
No fights or arguments

It makes me sick how I spent time around people
People that won't ever understand the pain

People will use you and break you down
Nothing to do, nothing to say now

I'm still beautiful, I need to reach out
Oh God, I'm burning out

You are a liar
I should of known
Can't be trusted
I'm letting you go

Of al…

Dear God

I know we've reconnected recently and I feel thankful for all you've done; this past week was rough and you've managed to give me a major blessing I've needed for quite some time.

I'm writing you this morning with a wounded heart. I need your guidance and your peace within because I can't take this overwhelming pain that is trying to dismantle all I've worked hard to build through you.

It's sad to wake up and no longer see those sweet messages of love from someone you care about. I've spent my whole life searching for truth and the devil has taken me down numerous times with hatred blinded by the guise of love on a manipulative deception that I could never understand nor get over.

God, I need your healing because I'm still bitter and sad within. I don't know how to get through this without you. Man has always burnt me; no matter how much I tried to show that I care about people; it always ended in me alone and crying.

This year has been good…

Reason

I was broken and so low
My mind was stuck on no
I never had the chance
To heal this heart

All I heard was wait
Don't get consumed by hate
God can you give me a sign
I'm running out of time

All I know is that they will let you down
Drag your name through the ground
Make you feel worthless, defeated
My God I know I've got a reason

So I pick myself back up
Smile when it gets tough
I know now, I am strong enough
Through your love my heart will not be cut
My God you are enough
You are enough

In the end, all the hurt that came to me
Like fire from the sky, the sun is shining
My God still loves me for who I am
No man can understand

Cause I will carry you in the dark
I will sing of your heart
I will scream out your name
Now that I know who you are

(Instrumental Interval)

Struggling to pay my rent
The car is broken down again
People are talking about me to all their friends

I was late for work today
Served up some papers that said to go separate ways
Looked for a reason to smile,…

God

Can't sleep
Defeated

No reason
For breathing

They stolen
I'm hopeless

Come find me
Give me breath

I'm searching
I'm desperate

Oh God I need you
My wounds won't heal
I feel unreal
Come take me over

Can't dream
Can't speak

Feeling of torment
Inside of me

Longing for
Relief

So tired
Of repeating

Oh God I need you
My wounds won't heal
I feel unreal
Come take me over

Fill me within
Your peace and obedience

I've lost myself
Come bring me to life
Help me to breathe again

Oh God I need you
My wounds won't heal
I feel unreal
Come take me over

(Repeat X2)

My wounds won't heal
Come take me over

Manipulation (Earth)

You're the equivalent to a sociopath filled with hate
You do things in the wrong way, play victim to my face
I'm burning bridges that never started cause I knew you'd play

Expecting everyone to fall to your words, so you can hide who you are
Act like I don't know but I knew all along
Hiding behind 30 years of shame but we knew that you weren't strong
No regrets on what was said, should of said it all along

Still they try so hard
Knock you down and it hurts
But my light still burns
Brightly, brightly

You will never learn
Go ahead and manipulate

It's all you know anyway

I saw the messages written on the screen
Nothing taking it back but my anger still lingering
There's nothing you can do to dispute it
But you'd still choose it

Pray to God, need some guidance, cause I feel insane
Like I lost myself and I'll never be the same
Had me going against myself and my friends
You are the enemy

I couldn't breathe

Now no one can bother trusting you
You liv…

It's a beautiful day

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I love my new BF

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Surprises are lovely. I was blessed with two nice high end products that I've been wanting for some time. Spoiler: They are both amazing!?!! :)

Stories

It gets harder with every breath
The silence pierces my mind

What was I thinking and who was I?
Too many choices passing by

I'm getting older
I'm trying hard not to get colder

But this life I'm sinking in
Takes a hold of my bitterness

I'm trying to breathe
I'm trying so much to believe

Is there anything
Anything left inside of me

I needed you there in the darkness
You left me like the sunlight
Now my heart is departed
My luck has been burnt out inside

If you ever find me
I hope that you find it there
That piece of you that was broken
See how much I really cared
Even when you didn't want to be there

Voices in my sleep
Telling me softly
Don't let fools endanger dreams

If your words are your armor
Why does it feel so weak?

That's all you had then
It's all I'll ever keep

If we could go back and make things right
Would it matter that I was left broken inside?

While you were stacking your credibility
On degrees and cash with men from TV

And all I want…

Shadow

It was misery when I met you
Words kept creeping in
Anger was my bitter sin

Young heart still wrestling
Wishing and dreaming
It's a wonder we're still breathing

All of our faults
Reminders of your mistakes
A taste of the bitter pain

You got to lose
If you will ever get on
Oh you, you got to choose
If you will ever find love

Your lies made me an angel
This still gleaming like things you did

I'm still not over
Ready to tear apart your skin

Yet sometimes I wish I could change
Give myself another chance to break

If we are ghosts in our own honor
Won't you just stay in me

You got to lose
If you will ever get on
Oh you, you got to choose
If you will ever find love

Find love
Find love

You got to let love in

Find love
Find love

Oh you, you stole from me
Oh you, you stole my shame

Find love
Find love

Oh you, you gave me nothing
Oh you, you gave me something

When I met you, it was misery and then we made it the sun
But like all good things, eventually it burns out, you're le…

I Want Your Love

It feels like my heart is sleeping
Got caught in dreams
My love is bursting into reinvention
Different scenery
Like Madonna, my mind is my pension
This light I'm still given
Won't you hold me in, hold me in?
Body like sparks on the water
My touch is your command, oh

So take it all, give me nothing
I want your love, make me feel something
Pretty eyes, soft lips
This memory
I want your love
I want your love

You and me baby, just like the comets crashing in
Got a million love stories to live, just let it be what it is
Loaded like a raging sun
Ready or not, here I come, my words come racing into none

Baby you got me on fire
Making me feel this desire
Kisses like heaven
Smiles like wine
I want your touch, all the time

So take it all, give me nothing
I want your love, make me feel something
Pretty eyes, soft lips
This memory
I want your love
I want your love

Take it all, give me something I can feel
Baby, give me that touch
Lets end this fight forever
In you, I see better

I want…

On Repeat: ANBERLIN (Circa 2005)

LISTEN TO "NEVER TAKE FRIENDSHIP PERSONAL"

(Click "KEEP READING" if using Desktop/Laptop view)

Is it love or just temporary bliss?

♏️ ♐️ + ♌️ ♒️

Ghost

I'll pay for the same mistake
The lies I've been exposed to
Couldn't of told me the truth
Now I'm feeling low and blue

Fancy office
Ink in felt
I'm not sure
You can never tell

What's the result
What the hell

My life is ending
There is no one else

Taste of medical
Hope this can ease the shame

Life on such difficult circumstances
Won't ever be the same

Fancy office
Ink in felt
I'm not sure
You can never tell

What's the result
What the hell

My life is ending
There is no one else

You don't know the pain
You don't know the pain

We can't physically express our ways
No cure for careless mistakes

What the hell was I thinking?
You could of told me the truth




Wishing

I stumble and I crawl This heart was useless after all
Of all the things we have said You chose to pretend your dead
Honestly I thought we could be better than this Constant cycle of mistrust and deviance
I want you, I want you to know
This heart is fragile like glass My words come out too fast I'm sorry, I'm sorry Your not sorry, not sorry Wish I could rewind this change
Now nothing and no one is here Cold hearted defeat still steering near
My anguish got the best of me Your blindness, tastes so bittersweet If I could rewind it, when we would meet We wouldn't have hurt this much
I want you, I want you to know 
This heart is fragile like glass My words come out too fast I'm sorry, I'm sorry Your not sorry, not sorry Wish I could rewind this change
If I could just let things go Maybe I'd find what I'm still fighting for
This misery seems so strong This feeling I've held in for too long
I miss you

Man In The Dark

He was gentle
He was soft and sweet
He let out a wildfire
Angry thought took me too deep

Fickle mind terrified
Every time he comes around
I waste more time

With the man in the dark
No face to see
Just an empty heart
We let go of our bodies
With the man in the dark
No conversation to please
Just an empty heart
We let go of our dreams
With the man in the dark

He was uncertain
He taught me not to care
He let me feel worthless
Thought I wouldn't stare

Framed in the third time
Just disappointment for keeps
I think I lost my mind
Cause he won't even stay for me

Fickle mind terrified
Every time he comes around
I waste more time
I waste more time

With the man in the dark
No face to see
Just an empty heart
We let go of our bodies
With the man in the dark
No conversation to please
Just an empty heart
We let go of our dreams
With the man in the dark

If you could see what you are doing
Rip my last breath from me
You've taken this light and put it out
Who the hell am I supposed to love…

Everything

Once I fell in love
Once I fell to the wind

We're ghosts of each other
Kiss me once again

Young and empty words
Shaken by the things we heard

It's everything

Wishful thinking
Eyes still blinking

Once I needed everyone
Once I burned beneath the sun

Your lies covered like the moon
Clever faces exterior motive on the move

Keep at war, a diamond or a whore
Two faces and oracles
She's sharing her only cause

It's everything

You, are
You, are
Bitterness

You, are
You, are
Reminiscent

It takes over
It takes over



FIRST LOOK: New Apartment (Move In Date: March 1st, 2017)

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So as many of my friends know, I've been on a long long journey since last year, working hard to garner what sanity I had left in me after dealing with a lot of stressing situations but I'm finally making strides in ways I never thought would happen.

I've always been an independent person and I've prided myself on that trait but this year has also been about coming together and resolution in not only those who have helped me but those I hold close to my heart. I couldn't of done any of this without you and I want to extend my thanks to all of those who have helped me get to this point in my life. Proof is all you need when it comes to knowing that I'm doing just fine without the hate.

You're probably wondering at this point what my apartment looks like so far, and I am quite excited to share an exclusive look at where I call home. It's my first truly (to myself) apartment. No roommates; no b.s.

Pictures of my home conclude:




















Birth of Brandi

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For a long time I wondered where I belong. Where does one fit? Who am I really?




Brandi Mikaela Whaley

It's official 📱

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I've crossed over to the dark side and I love it.

Exciting News 😁

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March will be a time for renewal, letting go, and new horizons 


Kaskade

How I love you so so much. "I Remember" is my favorite album and I cannot put it down... Perfect for workouts and getting your mind off intense situations :)

Highly recommended <3

You Call Me Crazy......

And you got all your friends believing it but unlike you.... I'm not 19 and have been in a mental institution 3 times already

Who's the crazy one really??