Monsters

It's amazing how crappy people really turn out (myself included). Take for example, a guy that told he would've lied about his name (after lying with his photos) in an 8 year downhill spiral that is thankfully over.

I only feel terrible for the next person that becomes victim to you (or your boyfriend). You can claim you love someone all you want but love isn't a game; Its pure and simple. That's the problem with you; you don't understand the true simplicity behind these things because you were raised in a culture of insults and accumulations as an important virtue.

Money, jobs, degrees, are nice and they do have a lot of good but in the hands of bad people; they become powerful tools for greedy behavior and some of which I witnessed in the years I knew you.

You used the things I confided in you as a weapon against me and claimed you loved me; if you actually ever did; you wouldn't of tried to change me in the first place. I'm not your project and I never was.

See, I guess with Dutch men, they think that by 'empowering' with the uses of controlling people is a great way to reach someone but controlling someone through mental abuse is NOT at all an okay measure. Especially in American culture; which you failed to learn even in the slightest.

Still, I can't blame it all on you. I did some things I'm not proud of but they were all signs and I miscalculated my moves. The moment that I let you go the first time (remember all those religious moments) were God's way of telling me I needed to exit you.

You claimed that you wanted to 'get rid of me' from your life but if this is so; you never would have repeatedly reached out to me (especially in the beginning), so thanks for doing what you do remarkably well; LYING.

See, that's all you ever did. You lied your way through everything because as a snobby rich boy with mom and dad's pension funds and prestige educational offerings; you failed to realize that YOU are the fool. You are the one buying into the greed and the dissidence of money and all of it's cruel ways.

You always had this character to you that seemed like "I'm better than you because I'm a rich kid" complex and it was quite disturbing. I don't know what's worse though, the fact that your own BOYFRIEND who I helped you reach out to because you don't know how to forgive (something I've mastered well) decidedly took part in the LIE that you orchestrated for so long and did NOTHING about it. In fact, he wanted me to silence myself and I wouldn't. Silence is for the weak.

That's what you both are to me. You're weak. Pathetic.

It's sad that it came to a point where at one time, I loved you. If there is anything I regret; it's having loved someone as cruel and twisted as you are. A person who has no emotion or empathy for having destroyed someone mentally.

You broke me down, pulled me back up, only to break me down again. Are you sure you're not part of the Illuminati?

I mean, you have all the characteristics to fit such a society; you're charming but cruel... you use the MK Ultra key to mind control by breaking someone down completely and reprogramming them to fit your twisted idea of how they should think and react.

Yeah, you're totally involved somewhere. Bloodline name like Vanderbilt has more secrets than one can count and yet; I took a chance on you.

I wonder why that is honestly. Was it really love? Or a need to feel out of my element?

If there is anything I learned in the time I knew you; it's that you can't trust anyone (not even those you think are good people) and that Europe really sucks... honestly... I'd rather go to Austrailia... they are prettier after all and there accents are better... less sounding like a fourth grader trying to swallow a chocolate candy and more etiquette approach

See, at the end of the day... I destroyed a piece of you too though... I took that well mannered and well poised rich kid and turned him into a deviant monster with no regard for anyone but HIMSELF.

So in the end, we are both to blame. You bit me with your venomous behavior and I attacked back.

Your boyfriend can claim to be the 'bigger' cunt here but honestly; you've seen nothing when it compares to how shitty I can become as a person. I can go places you never would have imagined I would go. You think you honestly have seen it?

I can be cruel above most. I can emit no emotion when needed (especially at this point considering you've ripped every piece of my feeling for you) and if you were wounded on the ground somewhere; I'd let you sit there and rather than react; I'd be like a ghost. You would call for me to help you off the ground as no one else was around because you are wounded and I would do nothing but walk away as if you weren't of existence. Letting you bleed away and feeling nothing as I walk past you.

Who's the monster now Bas?


PS: We both know, you're not a real doctor. Doctors DON'T hurt people darling. You're a monster; that I sadly created.


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