I'm not hurting and I'm not crying over anything. The sense of freedom I wanted for such a long time has finally walked into my life in the form of taking care of myself and loving the time I get to spend doing what I want to do without anyone interrupting my positive flow.
We live in an unstable and unjust world that is filled with self entitlement and charmers that would rather feed on people than work towards building a better world with everyone.
Anything that deals with my past isn't an option. It's not something I will revisit again because it's the past and the past is meant to be swept away from you to make room for the new that comes ahead.
For a long time, I let others dictate my way of thinking, the words I would express, and the way I would feel about things. I let people decide what was best for me and it almost destroyed me.
It's a beautiful thing when you can look around and seeing all these broken people; you know how important it is to be kind and to refrain from mind games. You realize that being alone is the best thing that has ever happened to you because now; you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself.
You see, I can do whatever the hell I feel like doing and NO one can say anything to me about it. It's the most liberating feeling in all of my 26 years of living that I've felt and I feel like it's important to really express here that I don't need a man to validate me. I don't need a 'relationship' to feel complete or to feel like I'm one upping other people.
I played the 'my fair lady' role for a long time. I was a project to some who wanted to see if they could turn me into a snooty guy with a taste for expensive wines and pretty #$%^ boys on the side. You see, money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy love and it most certainly can't buy acceptance either.
With everything that I've already had the chance to go through this year so far, so much good has come from it.
I'm in school now (doing remarkably well, I must add) and I've got plans already laid out in my planning tools kept nicely tucked away on my laptop and my phone. In terms of sharing things; I don't have to explain myself nor divulge any detail about any piece of my life to anyone because my business is my business.
Another great thing to happen is the fact that I have had the opportunity to spend time with people that truly make me happy, a lot more often and I've already been thinking of where I want to be by next year. A plan is a plan and I think my next steps are going to lead to a good one this time.
Regardless, simplistic living is something I have always wanted to endure but I was swayed by the idea that a gorgeous city boy would turn it all into something of an adventure. Left in me was the memory that city life consists of ecstasy parties, random hookups, mind games galore, and an unfortunate series of events that make you wish you could wake up into another reality.
This is life however, and I feel like for once... I know exactly what I'm looking for and where I want to be and I'd rather be in a beautiful country than be wasting my time on emotionless individuals that are self inflicted based on greed, corporate jobs, and the lust for power and impressionism.