Breakdown: Secondhand Lovers (IX)
Before, it had a unique meaning. This time, after the fact; the true meaning has come to fruition.
First, let me just state that this song is not only about a specific person; it's also about a specific situation which has come to pass (luckily) and upon further listening; new meaning has prompted me to retell the story of this track I made some time back and to evaluate what it's purpose is now.
"I open my eyes, I see the truth. I didn't realize, it was in you"
The line above is talking about the fact that upon learning the truth; I didn't realize that it was in the guy I put faith in for such a long time. I gave the notion of controlled trust in order to fulfill the idea of truth that which turned to be anything but the truth. This line is very deeply connected to that time of my life that I didn't fully understand until I let go of some anger and dislodged the memory.
"I feel all the senses changing, yeah, I want to reignite this flame again"
This line is exposing that changes have been made to the situation that I thought I had known. Ignition of the flame is a metaphor for the wildfire effect. I was metaphorically talking about craving change. Whether it be negative or positive is really up to me. So far, it's been positive.
"Now you seem to have something else on your mind"
This lyric in particular strikes me as one of my most in depth in this song because it relates to the overall picture. I didn't have the validation but I knew that something was off about the way me and this guy had met some years ago. Sexual tension means that it was a sexual relationship on the idea of using people for pleasure in weird tactical illusions and masochistic ideology. This was me exposing that I knew the truth before; I just didn't have the validation needed to come out and fully express it. Hence the reason I discuss things in the form of song at times because it's a way for me to fully express what bothers me and a way to expose things I find to be out of line or intolerant.
"Looking for a reason to love again"
This particular lyric can be interpreted in many ways... due to the line that comes after it which uses 'we' as the subject at hand. It's both a part of myself and a part of others. To elaborate, I'm telling myself to fight to keep faith in love but with all that has happened; I don't feel it's possible because I see things in the realistic approach rather than the optimistic idea that society pushes on us.
"I'm not one for limiting myself. I wanna fall into somebody else"
Limiting myself is just what I did with this guy. I let myself be tamed and held back. I kept things to myself at times when I should've divulged detail. I wasn't able to be myself. In truth, I want to be somebody else, I wanted to know somebody else that wouldn't judge me but love me as I am. At that time, it just wasn't possible and I had met a man that turned out to be a monster.
"You've gotta love the way that you feel inside.
Sometimes that's all it takes to come alive. It's you"
At this point in the track, I'm realizing that I have to love myself. I had to realize that it's me who dictates the future and it's me that makes the platform I chase after. Sometimes in life; it's YOU who makes you come alive. Not someone else. That is the lesson I had to learn and relearn.