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Showing posts from August, 2014

Get a little closer

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Listen closely

Coming soon

There comes a time in everyone's life when they must part ways from their home and move onto a brighter and new found purpose that can expand and educate oneself about truly living a free life.

Free as in; independent of course.

Recently, I was given a very long awaited offer from someone I am in touch with about moving into their new apartment and starting a new fresh life together. Building something for myself and helping me to get further onto my path towards adulthood.

It's been several years now and I've been hard at work for the past 2 years; trying to prepare and learn everything I can in order to build a stable environment for myself. It's only now; at the age of 25; that I'm learning my true self and coming to terms with the impossible.

Among the details so far, I will be living in a two bedroom apartment nearby my workplace (an added bonus) and I will be able to look towards working on what I have planned for myself ahead. I've been told by multiple …

Shady

You never had a problem with me tagging you in posts before but all of the sudden; these days at least; it's a major issue to you if I decide to.

I valued you at one point but now; you are nothing to me. Ciao asshole.

Truth of You

You can pretend like it never happened
Treat me like a ghost

You can act like you're not like me
A victim from long ago

The evidence shines upon your eyes
You can't hide the truth, buried in your lies

It is what it is
I'm not afraid of it

You're worth just lowered
I'm not fond of it

It is what it is
I'm not ashamed to say

I can't love you
If you can't love me

You don't want me to be seen with you
That's just another cop out
I've never been so rude
How do you feel now?

So I stamp my name; across your lies
Let the people know that you
Have everything to hide

I've got to let it go
If I don't want to be paralyzed

It is what it is
I'm not afraid of it

You're worth just lowered
I'm not fond of it

It is what it is
I'm not ashamed to say

I can't love you
If you can't love me

You can pretend like it never happened
It never happened (X4)

You're so ashamed of yourself
It's obvious that you're living hell

I…

Just because

I'm going to share a little naughty something...

Apparently, a guy that I slept with said I taste like Jolly Ranchers

So, if you like Jolly Ranchers, you're single, and you like to eat out; I'm you're guy ;)

#tasty

I'm going out alone

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So you can't go home

Some memories can paralyze me

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All these thoughts that make me crazy

You see yourself in everyone who crosses your path

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But I cannot tell you enough

That's not who they are deep inside

Every day is exactly the same

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There is no love here and there is no pain

Fact

I wish we could go back

To the times when you would compliment me and tell me how much you loved me and how much you wanted to make a hella cool beat together

I'm only dreaming

Death*

You used to care
Things have changed

Compliments not there
Repeat offending

If I could
I'd erase this
Memory

If I could
I'd go back
Forget

You used to smile
Things have changed

I love you
You don't love me
I feel it

It's empty
Down here
Memory
From fear

If I could
I'd run far away
Reborn

If I could
I'd change my name
Forget this place

I don't need

All I want is for you to speak with me
Keep a smile, walk a mile in my shoes

All I ever heard were things of distant pain
Keep it close, never let go, I'm not okay

I needed you

You used to care
Things have changed

Compliments not there
Repeat offending

It felt so cold
You won't ever know

I really loved you
Now, I let go

Run together

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I think too much

I'll stop living in the past

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Let me in

If you want it

Chase after it

#lovestories

A*

Sometimes, I miss those words you've gave to me
Sometimes, I remember the things you made me believe

I don't hate you, I know it's not right
I feel like I knew you, I never knew why
You gave me nothing; I gave you my light

Sometimes, I wonder if you even think of me
Sometimes, I want so bad to see you

I don't deserve this, I know my worth
I feel like it's hopeless, but I never want to let go
You gave me nothing; I gave you my all
I wish it were different; I wish I never knew you at all

Sometimes, I hear your voice
Sometimes, I wonder why you did me the way you did

I didn't understand, I know you were being a man
I felt like it was too much to bare
You gave me nothing; I gave you love
I wish it were special; I wish you would just talk

Sometimes, I miss those words you've gave to me
Sometimes, I remember the things you made me believe

I don't hate you; I don't want to
I feel like we are still alive
I've fought for reasons why
You gave me nothing;…

Us*

You could send me a letter
Tell how much we miss each other
You'll ask for forgiveness
I'll let you in

We will try to fight for each others emotion
Touching and loving until there is no devotion

So many have tried to connect with these limbs
Just simple let downs, how do we forget?

All we want is love
All we want is love

You start a conversation
Smile again so I feel sensation
You'll kiss my lips so I remember you in the morning
I'll be such a fool

We will do everything we never have
Twisting and turning so we can look back

So many have tried to connect with these limbs
Just simple let downs, how do we forget?

All we want is love
All we want is love


Traveler*

I've climbed these tears to find a piece of me
Nothing hurts like it did, I know who I want to see
Faces are just lessons burning inside of your story
We want, we chase, never to remember, only to face the lie

Ghost, I feel your love disappear
Oh, gorgeous lover, I feel you near
I still want you, I still see you
I don't know who I hear
Is this what love becomes?
After the fight you fear
It feels so impossible

Wrestling over and out
Just to shut my mouth
It's comfortable to leave it be

Secretly, I'd like to speak of things
Just say what you've created in me
So I can defy your thrills
Maybe a kiss, or just to smile and feel

I look up
A part of this heart is reaching for skies
We want, we chase, never to remember, never to know each others name

Ghost, I feel your love disappear
Oh, gorgeous lover, I feel you near
I still want you, I still see you
I don't know who I hear
Is this what love becomes?
After the fight you fear
It feels so impossible

Faces are just less…

Flesh*

I sneak into these lies so I can stay away
They comfort the small side of you
These failures that you can't face

Little boy, why do you envy?
What's the problem? What were you really sending?

They want your body, and all your words
Give nothing back, just a little more blood

Naive to build up his ego
Sorry liar wanna know how we go?

My heart is beating like a drum
Step back; so I'm on the run

We can't break the habit
Too weak to choose
We're just defeating the purpose
You can have, you can have everything
If you're eyes were just open
You could be happy

Who, who was the one that meant the highest in your game?
We can act like we're breaking bridges
Honesty never came

I've never felt like I was your favorite
Until the lights went pitch black
My body was all you had
Do you like it when I turn my back?
Just comfort for satisfaction that never lasts

You can't give yourself away
It's impossible to love a man
You don't know what the hell you w…

Road to Nowhere*

Surround yourself with vanity
Circles of people that never see
Young and broken but trying to breathe
All you've wanted, they never did keep

They lead you to believe in one thing
All this time, it's been empty

You've felt so much brighter
You've had this feeling last longer

You've dreamed

How does it feel, to lead astray?
Voices speaking in different ways
Every tear rips the same

All along, it wasn't real
The love, the smiles, the feeling you feel

Build up your castles again
So you never, never love them

They lead you on (X2)

I've, misguided these islands
The birds they watch for use

Use me to get where you've been losing
Fear of another truth

Words like velvet
Pretend to feel the same
Just to get what you want
Did you get what you want?

How does it feel, that misery?
You hide behind your regret
I know it, I know it, you're playing cover up

Deeper and deeper; fighting to give none

They lead you on (X4)

You've felt so much brighter
You've h…

This time I ran too far away

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I have read the words on your face They told me things I shouldn’t know

Tell me how do love stories work

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I don't wanna be cool, I don't wanna get hurt

Time is always over

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People are divided, so come a little closer

Deep down

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Always I remember you

It leads you on

You're afraid you're gonna fuck this up

Maybe there's a stranger in the room

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Following my heart to never move

I don't wanna know that it's true

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Could've been your heroine

Goals

Get a car (useful for getting the hell out of here)  2. Relocate (possibly somewhere like California?)
3. Get a real man (babysitting is getting so old)

I make room for everyone

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Wrestling people for peace

The day you died

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I came to say goodbye, cause you're feeling nothing.
Assuming to your heart, we got nothing at all.

Super delicious

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&& only 21 Carbs!?!
#smoothiesforweightloss

Cast Away

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Cast away, from the train, I can give you what you want
Walk away, from the flame, and I won't make the same mistakes

I know what I want; do you?

I got off the phone this evening and a close conversation started. Apparently, more fuel has been added to this cycle of vengeance and 'getting back' at people goal.

You've stolen someone I put first in my life, you've talked crap about me and my best friend, you've lied to countless people and continue to do so, and you thought that doing something as ratchet and dirty as coming to my workplace and discussing my personal life with a manager I work with would break me.

I'm still here. I'm still strong.
Apparently, a recent event occurred where someone I had to let go of has popped into the wrong circle of people's lives again. That's great for you; I'm sure you're discussing all the little things you want to do to 'get back' at me for someone YOU created. YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF YOUR ISSUES. I'm just saying.

Still, I digress. I honestly don't think about any of you. I don't care about you like that because I don't put pe…

So many gorgeous guys, so little interest aka randomness; again

Maybe I'm getting older; maybe I'm becoming bitter a bit; or I simply just have no will to care for anyone but myself these days.

It doesn't make me a bad person; I'm protecting myself. I've been put through so many situations that were beyond what I ever expected. I've said yes when I shouldn't have and wanted to say no. I've said no when I really wanted to say yes. The vicious cycle of dating, falling in love, falling out of love, giving up, re-loving people I once hated, and so forth... it gets exhausting.

Lately, I've been checking out the delicious beauty that walks around and all I can think about is moving somewhere with more substance. No, not drugs or parties or hot men that sleep with every single person they meet. I literally mean; pack my bags, relocate my career elsewhere, and start over with a new life, a new purpose, and opening my heart to someone who will appreciate it.

I see so many faces everyday and so many of them look tired, sa…

Yes girl

I saw how you had lost your earrings you liked so much and well, as your friend and close co-worker; I felt like you should have some sexy hoops to flash around... Gotta love that NY swagger... Makes me happy that I brought a smile to your face today... this is what friendship is all about... it's the little things that count most; love you girlie :)

One is the loneliest number

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#haters

I need to get my message through

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Don't you let go

I'm breathing electricity

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#breathefordreams #loveyourself

These places that you go

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#modernlove

It always makes my day when... aka randomness

Someone comes up to me to remind me that my kindness has power. A reminder that being the better person and respecting everyone and forgiveness is key.

Though some people have made mistakes, or done me wrong, at the end of the day, I know what I have to do. I know I don't deserve it and I know that I can do and will do a lot better for myself and I already am.

Sometimes in life, people come in and they are lessons for you to fight and learn with. You find a piece of yourself in every moment and every error that they propose against you. It helps you figure out who you are; what you want in life; your priorities; and it lets you know that you are indeed; very important in people's lives.

Today, I had a pretty crazy day at work; tons of things to do but I got them all done and it makes me smile knowing that I've got my morals in tact enough to not curse someone out for stressing me out a bit. The team that worked with me as well as myself really pulled together and in the en…

Overseer

Silhouette; The Broken Arms

You gotta get out of there

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It could ruin everything, if I give you the benefit

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Modern love

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Don't ever leave me alone

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Double Standards & You

Pay attention; enemies copy you so they can try to validate others on false ideas in order to feel better about themselves. They know you have a purpose and gift that no one can make. You're a rare gem; and they're just a lump of coal wishing. They're dirty, cheap, cruel, and sneaky as hell; so always be on the run because life waits for no one. Wake up; your happiness is calling.

When it comes to myself and this person who apparently plays roles and wants to be an actor using my life and my struggles; you are nothing like me; and people will see that every time you try it. So I'll sit back and laugh hysterically as your lies become the very definition as to why no one will trust; nor believe you and anything that you say. If they do, they're lost, and they are cowardly of the least.

You can't imitate class, because you have no morals to begin with.
I'm a rare breed and only so few will ever experience the gifts that I can offer. Only so few can sit …

Water

Put your heart on your sleeve
Inviting wrong company

Taking stabs at your smiles
Pain never worth while

You begin again
You rely on then

Close my eyes to breathe
Cast my dreams from me

Taking words in like water
Truth never revealed

You begin again
You find sin

You pretend again
Rely on no friend

You seek the end
Inviting wrong company

Taking stabs
Their lowest of themselves

You begin again
You rely on then

You pretend again
Forget and live

Islands

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Lover: We Radiate

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You're heaven
We radiate

Tired, I am

So last night was a relatively good night for me but the inclusion of a major toss and turn drama ensued and my body said 'hell no' to sleep mode.

I don't look forward to the busy and stressful day that lies ahead for me at work today. Coffee can only do so much and I fear that even my dietary supplement which has enough caffeine to supplement my coffee; just won't do.

Ah, the joyful life of your body fighting precious sleep. How did they do it in the olden days? How did they manage things like this?

If only I could time travel. I'd be back at 8pm and forcefully entering a calm sleep. Melatonin; not needed of course.

Perhaps I just need to stop thinking so much. This brain is constantly thinking about everything. Sometimes, I'd love to turn it off and just relax in tranquil peace and be distant from the universe.

Only then, would this body take on the gift of sleeping. To those who have master such a trial; what must one do to get a little sleep these days?

Is …

Everyone suffers the same

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What you see, is not necessarily what you get

Cycle

You don't care
Nobody cares

You look through dark
For somebody to be there

That's why life is so hard
Cause nothings what it seems

We are all dangerous
In this pitiless game

You give and break
You lie and take

What good is this place?
Where are you today?

It only gets worse
The older that you get

We're all victims in cycles
Playing pretend

It hurts and bleeds inside
Nothing can fix the pain

This heart is useless
I'll throw it away

You don't care
Nobody cares

You look through dark
For somebody to be there

Where are they now?
You're all alone

Nobody cares

As originally posted by Adrianna Mortiary: Pain

Pain, it comes in two forms
Physical pain and emotional pain.

As a child I would get a cut or hurt myself and think that the world was going to end. But, my mother and father would always somehow know how to make it better.

As I grew older I ran into the emotional side of pain...

The pain of rejection...
The pain of heartbreak...
The pain of losing someone...
and the pain of loneliness...

These types of pain are pains that I couldn't describe. I couldn't just put a band-aid over it or go to a doctor to be cured. I had to just deal with them. I had to bare the nights crying myself to sleep, or put on a smile even though I was dying on the inside.

This is nothing more than an opinion, but deep down I think that emotional pain hurts so much more than physical pain. I know getting shot by a gun or stabbed is awfully painful, but when you are truly hurt by someone you care about, whether it's family, friends, or a lover, it seems like that is the pain that hurts the …

In the end

Forgiveness is key

I can't hold grudges forever

Doesn't mean I am accepting what was done

I'm just man enough to let it go and move on

Because

I am a boy
Deep down
Above your head
Below your waist
I am a boy
Lovely face

Top 5 Favs: Goldfrapp

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On being a Siren

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All you love you destroy
Everyone is your toy


 There is no right, there’s no wrong You only see what you want

Love Is A Flame

I'm not your toy
My mind is shifting

I'm not your girl
My self respect is swiftly

You thought that I would stay mad
You thought that I would care again

I'm not the person I once was
Building this heart up
I'm forgetting all that I seen
It's better than your so-called love and liberty
I'm not an angel or a ghost
Building up my only hope
I'm letting everything fall down
It's better than losing my dreams
Your so-called love and liberty

I'm not your confusion
My body is a temple

I'm not your abuse
Don't ever try to relate

You thought that I would be crying
You thought that I would still be trying

I'm not the person I once was
Building this heart up
I'm forgetting all that I seen
It's better than your so-called love and liberty
I'm not an angel or a ghost
Building up my only hope
I'm letting everything fall down
It's better than losing my dreams
Your so-called love and liberty

You thought that I would be standing here; w…

November Comes

Tonight, I spoke with a close friend of someone whom was a major influence in my Cr-48 days back in 2010-2011 when I was working with Google on a major project that later became what you all know now as Google Chromebooks.

AC Monroe (who in short is simply the most amazing guy I've met in the program) had left for quite some time due to personal litigations and so forth back home. It's with great excitement that I am posting this blog to let all of you who know him and took part in countless fun hangouts and spent hours testing Google+ when it was still in Beta - He's coming home in November this year!

AC Monroe is a very kind hearted guy who really looked at life with such a peaceful approach. He's one of the few that if you had a question about Chromebooks, or anything in our group that was Google related or partly due to the current times then when we all were test pilots for the Cr-48 prototype devices; he would lend a helping hand or point you to someone who could…

Typical Guys Be Like

I miss you...
When a man says he misses you after 3 months of no communication and originally started off in a sexual conversation when he first met you.

He starts the conversation with remarks regarding romantic gestures such as cuddling or holding you in his arms and leads you on a belief that you are more important to him than you originally were.

He doesn't miss you; he misses your body. You are not at all important to him because if you were, he would've known what he wanted to start with and would've respected you at the get go.

Don't let him win over on you. You deserve much more and you are worth so much more than he can clearly understand or see.

Love ain't got anything to do with it baby - know your worth and keep on respecting yourself! :)

I Declare

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Open Eyes

For even in these, the important will become past tense
For the one that love most will recover fastest
The one that is without care shall peril in unjust thought
For the negative shall descend unto the caves of death
For even in these, the lonely shall be filled their void

Someday Love

When all you want is love
When all you think about is his lips


The love he feels for you at last
The pain has lost itself within
What will I think when I see him?
Will we always laugh?
What will he look like?
Will I ever forget the past?

Falling in love
Certain that love is still
Falling in love
I know he is on the way


So take my heart
Lead me to light
Take my heart baby
I'm yours tonight
You make me feel so alive
Forever, by my side

Divided

I cared too much back then Words aren't my only friend
You try to tear me down Make me feel worthless now
There's a ghost turning inside of me Telling me secrets and stories I need I'm seeing, the truth here I don't need those people that instill tears
Run away, look so far ahead I'll figure it out You just wanted what I had I gave away Too much, so soon I'll breathe again, I'm over you
Used to be two of us Now it's only one I'm alright, I'm still on the run That's how I've always lived Never looking back Never feeling again I'll be above it If I ever let you back in Make you know how I felt So that you may live Make you feel all the pain
I've been one for making the same patterns I'll remember the good in life when I'm gone Chaotic inside of this hell I know what I can see, what I know
Used to be two of us Now it's only one I'm alright, I'm still on the run That's how I've always lived Never looking b…

Start over

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Romans 8:18 - "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."
As a representation of my aura - Pink is used to show my light which resides in me - You can't kill it :)

Crossing boundaries (Matthew)

It's no secret that I've been dealt a bad hand a lot in my life. Often times, situations become chaotic and I; like the spirit deer that I am; run as fast as I can to the nearest silent place.

Recently, a couple people who had betrayed me, belittled me, used me, and lied in my name, decided that showing up at my workplace was a justifiable measure to getting my attention. It didn't work. If you show up again, I can have you banned and escorted personally from the store and the law can and will get involved if necessary.

First of all, I work for the company that I do because I am there to WORK. Telling a random manager about all of your business is not a sane move. You; are the most ratchet and vilest human being that has ever walked the face of this Earth and I'm so repulsed by you and the people that are involved with your foolish ways; that it is likely possible that the law will become involved considering your track record.

I don't have time or any desire what…

Who I Am

I've seen faces come and go
I've been a victim, in my own show

Wishful of the world to accept me in
Never knowing I was better than it

Got pushed down on the playground
Felt the ease of blood

Words are like bullets to the head
You never know where they're from

I held on
I am still holding on

I won't let go
I won't let go
Of who I am

Do you love me as me?
I'll say a prayer, my mind is empty
I'm not scared of the places I've been
Do you love me as I really am?

Oh God, please tell me how to breathe
I couldn't find the key

Make it worth the struggle that I've seen
Everyone feels hollow and in between

Do you love me as me?
I'll say a prayer, my mind is empty
I'm not scared of the places I've been
Do you love me as I really am?

I won't let go
I won't let go
Of who I am

I will grow older, slightly colder
Wondering ever so

Youthful pretending
Mindful unknown

I am a value
Take over my soul

Oh God, take over me

Take over me
So I won…

The Great Lie

I guess, I think
I'm missing you

I know, I'm certain
I'm wishing for you

You've beaten me down
Stolen every piece of my heart
Used me for what you needed
Then I stood their falling apart

I bet you're smiling so much right now
Does the taste invite you to keep going down?
Tell me, do you feel like a man?

Was the sex you got really worth it?
(Was it worth it, was it worth it?)
Was leaving your friends behind part of the plan?
(Was it worth it, was it worth it?)
Was never loving me just something that you did?
(Was it worth it, was it worth it?)
Were you ever really a man?

I don't think you are

When you kiss those gutter lips, how do you feel?
When you're pressed up against the wall, do you feel real?
Empty and void, are you just settling for toys?
All I've ever seen is you act like a little boy
Being ruthless, never accepted
I get it, I get it

Was it worth it? (X4)

Was the sex you got really worth it?
(Was it worth it, was it worth it?)
Was leaving …

Abandon Ship

Get back what you lost
Turning pages to clear your head
Boys are all the same
All of you are dead


I don't want to remember
The touch of your lips
I feel so dirty
When I think of this

Why you have to go and be invisible?
Looking for trouble, when you had it all
You could've had me at hello

But I'm no fool

Give up yourself for a moment of satisfactions
Was it worth the things you've lost?
The bridge is collapsing, and you're the cause

I don't want to remember
The words you would never say
I feel so stupid
When I think of this

Why you have to go and be invisible?
Looking for trouble, when you had it all
You could've had me at hello

But I'm no fool

You can't take back what you did
Losing all of your innocence
Boys are all the same
One track playing instead of infinity

But I'm no fool; for you

Why you have to go and be invisible?
Looking for trouble, when you had it all
You could've had me at hello

But I'm no fool

Breaking all your moral code

Eagle In The Sky

Time has come
Time has passed

The wounds you felt
They won't last

Whatever they do
Comes back after you

Whatever they say
Keep walking away

Love is a danger
You are a stranger
I feel like you've died
Picking up pieces
Of this heart you tried
There is no reason
I'll let go tonight

You thought you were different
Only the wicked win
So I pick up the pieces
Wishing I never let you in

Cloudy upon these hours
Distance is my best friend
What would I have to say
If you came back again?

Love is a danger
You are a stranger
I feel like you've died
Picking up pieces
Of this heart you tried
There is no reason
I'll let go tonight

You were blind to your pain
The way you pushed me down
Sudden but slow in your faith
Nothing is golden now

You won't get what you're looking for
You won't find any peace

The devils got your heart now
So I just throw away this key

Love is a danger
You are a stranger
I feel like you've died
Picking up pieces
Of this heart you tried
There …

Careless Heart

I'll keep running away
Burning bridges that you had made
I'll keep running away
Forgetting what you had to say
Forgiving myself for accepting pain
I won't look the same
Careless heart

Littlest, You Are

If I had a chance to say to you
The things that fell between us
The lies, the jokes of my regret

Putting all my heart to the test
I know now what I needed then
It's time for me to reach myself
Forever forgetting this hell

You are not good
Keep believing it
You will surely fail

So you throw away your morals for cheap feeling
Hurt those that cared oh so much
You've lost what you didn't ever gain
You're the cause of your own game

I'll keep running away

Looking forward, to find my heaven
I don't deserve the things you did
I'm better than you
I'm better than you could ever give

Cause I will live
Defy the steps that took me down
I will breathe, cause I know who I am now

You never knew yourself
Always burning what went well
You don't care about anyone but yourself
Always turning into your hell

I will keep running away
Finding myself on oceans and pavements
You can handle me, you can't risk yourself

What would it be, if I let you down?
I bet you'd n…