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January 29, 2014

School time, goal time

It's never been a better time for me to start back with school and I decided to take a swift approach towards getting what I want to get rather than what I'm told I should get.

For $49 monthly for 29 months; I can study and take exams that will credit me a normal grade as if I were still in high school and all the while; shimmy my way towards getting my high school diploma. Rather than go back to a college here that really offers no tools or inspiration for me; I researched my online offerings and stumbled upon a nationally accredited school; Penn Foster.

So far, my graduation date appears to be on September 29, 2015 (which means in just a years time) to which I will have my trusty certificate that shows I have a brain and brain cells and then perhaps; I'll be able to look towards finding a better paying job or advance further in my productivity flow.

My last recorded grade was a 100 on my section 2 exam for my Human Relations class. I'm actually enjoying this school so far and so many of my friends have had success with it as well. I know that realistically I'm going to see some troubles later one when I get down to my Math classes but I'm excited to know that this school is well worth my money that I'm spending on it.

On top of my schooling, I've been going to the gym whenever I can to work on making my body more toned and healthier; while my results have been up and down lately considering my diet isn't very easy to maintain (living in a house full of fattening foods), I am still determined to make a change and a prominent positive engagement in my health. I want to feel better and hopefully at the end of the journey; I will start to look better as well.

One must always remain positive. The more determined and the more positive your outlook, the better chances you have to accomplish your goals and dreams on which you rely.

On another thought, we've been hit with a snow and ice storm which has shut down our city for almost 3 days now and I've had to call out of work for a day while yesterday I had to come home early because it was getting extremely dangerous in terms of driving conditions. The funny (or not so funny) thing about working for greedy corporations is the fact that they really don't care if you die or not. They just want their precious money and for you to give your all so they don't have to.

Pretty sad little world I must say; but with strength and determination; I know my plans for my future are going to become much better eventually. I'm driven to make a difference in my life. I will accomplish the goals I've set for myself and I will be much happier of a person for having done so. In the end, that's what it is really all about. The more drive you have, the better your life can become.


January 15, 2014

Our Love

Radiant
You are young
Silent
You are running away

Love, it tastes of pain
Body reveals your name

Crying out for tomorrow
Waiting up for the sun that don't shine
Whisper what you can't borrow
These emotions seem to revert your mind

Child
You act like a child
Everything
You disappear without a name

Joy, it tastes of shame
Dreams become the game

Crying out for tomorrow
Waiting up for the sun that don't shine
Whisper what you can't borrow
These emotions seem to revert your mind

We're not the same

They say, you're good for me
They say, you're everything I need

I won't be shaken by your mistakes and
I've given all I could give it
We're just pieces inside this
Resentment for light

Crying out for tomorrow
Waiting up for the sun that don't shine
Whisper what you can't borrow
These emotions seem to revert your mind

January 10, 2014

Middle

I see you now
You make me hurt

So many of someone else
I feel the worst of this hell, you borrowed

I started this pattern
I corrupt your heart for morrow

Never knew you would do this
Broken in the hallway
Forgot your smiles so hollow

You won't talk again
You never believed in it

I won't wait, for sun rises tomorrow

I see you now
You taste of filtered sorrows

Who are they?
What do they offer?

I can't compete
I'm not the alter

This love you borrowed



Like Paper

In the light
You change
Carried away
Empty name

I'm home inside
Your heart died

Lonely love
Arrows and guns

Harbor walk
These days are done

I'm nothing more to you
Wrestle my good, for use

Find way to younger years
We depart the tears

In the light
You change
Carried away
Empty name

I'm home inside
Your heart died

Lonely love, tonight

Sunshine

Sunshine, baby
All night

You just want my body
You just want my body
You just want my body

I say, no no no no no

You just want my body
You just want my body
You just want my body

I say, no no no no no

Sunshine, baby
All night

Hide Stereo Love

All your lies
Build you up
Build you up
Build you up
All your lies
Build you up
Build you up
Build you up
They build you up
All of your lies

January 6, 2014

The truth of you

I find it funny to see you're still pitying yourself. You are the cause of your issues; so you should be the one to fix it. No one else can do that but you kid.

You can blame me for what happened if you feel it justifies something.

We all know that you've been lying to people so you can make yourself look better in this. You and I both know what really happened. I didn't do anything but what you asked me to. 

He isn't at all impressive in anything anyway; why would I risk my friendship over that? Ask yourself that question next time. Do you think someone would risk their entire history for a few minutes of unwanted pleasure? I don't think so.

I'm not a harlot like you are painting me out to be towards your friends. You seem to have a twisted version and idea of the entire thing and you know what; that's fine because I refuse to fall into it and be victim to your vindictive behavior. I know the truth and the truth is something you apparently can't handle. You just can't handle the fact that you are with someone who is actually not good for you to begin with. I could of told you this but you wouldn't of listened anyway because it's all about you. 

Your friends are fools if they believe the lies that are said about me. I'm a better person than that and if any of them met me; they would see that I'm a really great person and that some people just want to paint pictures of others so they can feel important and just in their little sad world. 

He says that I tried to kiss him but I never did. I'm repulsed by the idea of ever giving him that kind of kindred satisfaction and you knew going into this how I felt; I have never liked him and I never will either. I know myself enough to know I could get and do get much better than that and to stoop down to that level was a mistake I made just so I could help you feel better about what is really bothering you right now. 

See, it's not me. It's him. He's been cheating on you for quite some time now and you knew about this before I was blatantly pushed into something I never even wanted to be part of. You did this to yourself. 

Knowing what you knew, you shouldn't be upset with me over it. I never did anything to hurt you and if I did (contrary to your lies you told a certain someone we know) you never told me a damn thing about it and instead of discussing it like a grown human being; you resorted to name calling and death threats just to make a point which I assume is still not made because I haven't been contacted by anyone with involvement in this situation and I refuse to allow it. 

I blocked you and two other people because of this ordeal. I refuse to ever see you; be near you; talk to you; look at you; or have anything to do with you or people involving you again. I've needed this departure for so many years now and I have to ironically thank you for pushing it into motion. 

If it weren't for my mistake of falling into your setup and getting played typically like you've done to me all these years with countless people; I wouldn't be happier than I have been in awhile WITHOUT YOU in the picture. 

The only reason why Jessica ever hated me was because of all the bullshit you did to make her see me in that way. You never were a friend towards me and you were always looking at ways to hurt and destroy my name to people we met so you could feel important. 

That last night I saw you; you said that some people are vindictive but you failed to mention that you were talking about yourself. You're not a good person; you're a sad child trapped in an uncertain world. You need to find help and you need to leave people be and let them live their lives accordingly. 

You always made it a point to keep anyone I found interest in or anyone that was remotely attracted to me; or my interests, completely out of our lives and out of the circle because you claimed to be protecting me but you never were. You were harboring these people so you could have people around when everything went to hell and you fucked me over once again. 

You're a perfect example of a person I would never hang around or want to meet. You're the reason why I refuse to accept people who do drugs or smoke pot as relevant to my life or my respect because you're the reason I fear the good in people anymore. 

I don't trust people anymore because of you. I can't communicate like I used to for fear that you're going to fuck me over again and twist yourself into my life like you do after some time. You're stingy, arrogant, deceitful, and a complete waste of my time.

Goodbye Massaj. I hope the sun is good to you where you are. I hope that you get better someday. I hope that you can grow up and be a civil human being one day. 

And when I'm far away living my life in a wonderful breezy Key West or the chilly love of Chicago; I hope you think back to all the times you hurt me and did me wrong. I hope you remember the things you did and didn't do. I hope you learn from it all and become someone from it. 

Even if that thought seems like a wasted dream. 

Message In A Bottle (Lyrics)

I, was too young to keep it together
Tell me, why did I wait forever?

Oceans, so many waves to take me in
I cut you out; begin again

Because I love the thrill
Of losing everything
I'll repeat history
No more darker days

Because I love the thrill
I'll disconnect
Remember nothing else
My heart out on my chest
Because I love the thrill

I, send out the message to your friends
Tell me, why, why did I get closer to them?

Lights, so many blinding spots upon my eyes
I blind you out; begin again

Because I love the thrill
Of losing everything
I'll repeat history
No more darker days

Because I love the thrill
I'll disconnect
Remember nothing else
My heart out on my chest
Because I love the thrill

Oceans, so many waves to take me in
Oceans, so many faces I've never met

What's so special about you?
You're dangerous like a gun

We run away together
A newer place

No one we remember
Just distant space

Because I love the thrill
Of losing everything
I'll repeat history
No more darker days

Because I love the thrill
I'll disconnect
Remember nothing else
My heart out on my chest
Because I love the thrill

I love the thrill
Oceans, apart

I love the thrill
Of letting you disappear







Problem solver (M&M)

You know, Threatening my life among my family and friends lives won't solve your problems you're having with your relationship. Those issues were there long before I became part of the picture again.

You want to get mad at me over a lie he told you and believe him over me (someone who won't lie to you) even though you've found proof that he was cheating on you with another guy and he's been known to cause problems with you and other friends in the past.

I'm sorry he doesn't treat you like you should be treated and I'm sorry that he doesn't know that you can be a good person but you're problems should of never been of my involvement because they are nothing to do with me nor do I really care to deal with someone else's problems like that. I have my own to worry about.

You've always done this since I first met you some years ago when I was still in high school. You like to fake a friendship for awhile and then when you're unhappy; you cause drama or start things to make you feel better because you can't handle seeing other people happier than you are.

You cause drama so you can feel important because you really have nothing going for you. You don't have a job and all you do is mope around all day wanting people to feel sorry for you and your situation. You're just like the other guy we all know.

You're not crazy either and even your closest friends have agreed with me on this one; you're just trying to get attention and you know what; you won't ever get it from me again :)

So go ahead darling, justify your idiocracy however you wish but keep me and my family out of it. Capiche?

January 4, 2014

After You

So far away
So far away

Believe the lies you hear
If it justifies your fears

Close my eyes and I see it get close to good
Open my eyes and I remember what I could

Board on a fast train, to carry me away
Memories tied between first and second place

I'll remind myself to look away
The times get harder when I think of your name
You've always been the same

Driving soon, so far from here
New life, new friends, new tears

I don't want to be the one you talk about
I want to be someone else while you feel doubt

Board on a fast train, to carry me away
I'll begin again, someday
These faces tried so hard to take
I'll keep running till I forget your name

Desert this town full of invasion space
There is no time for me to waste

I need a new fate

The lies you spread are simply to gain
The good will never output the shame

The wicked lose when you forget their name
Who will you be when you've passed away?

Board on a fast train, to carry me away
I'll begin again, someday
These faces tried so hard to take
I'll keep running till I forget your name

It will be different day

The wicked lose their fame
When the good walk away
You'll never know this quiet face
I'm ten stories high, so far away

Someday soon... my love will carry me



De stad liefdes.


January 3, 2014

All You Have Is You (Lyrical piece)

They say you'll never get far without a little gasoline
They claim that my heart will be on fire at the scene

All my emotions come pouring out like ocean waves
I don't want them to notice the hurt that sits behind me

I'll hide in my cell where they will never find me
It's better than erasing the good I used to find

This town is built on selective ignorance
Some faces meet you and others just talk shit

You would wonder; who is worth the time
Sometimes my head tells me, I need to lose my mind

Stamp your labels on my hands
If it makes you feel like a man
Stamp your labels on my hands
If it gives you solidarity and

I'm lost in a river
Swimming through to the other side for a dream
I'm lost in a river
Trying to find the light in a place so empty

Where is the truth?
Where is the resolve?

I'll never get places if I keep giving out my heart
They'll never give me a chance
I'll always have to walk

The only one you really have is your own

I'll hide away
So you will never see me

I'm not important enough anyway
And my heart is so numb

I'm pushing away
I'm pushing away

I'm lost in a river
Swimming through to the other side for a dream
I'm lost in a river
Trying to find the light in a place so empty

Where is the truth?
Where is the resolve?

I'll never get places if I keep giving out my heart
They'll never give me a chance
I'll always have to walk

The only one you really have is your own

January 2, 2014

Somewhere beyond the dark



I will wait for you.

Shannon

They can believe the lies they hear
Ask the one who went through it
They will hear the truth come out
Ask the one who went through it
My honesty comes pouring out

You're twisting perceptions to kill my good name
You're plotting my death so you can feel sane

What you didn't know was the fact I didn't want to do it
I did it all so you can walk away from pain

Your friends all hate me
You say I'm a monster but it's not that way
Your friends don't know my side of the story
You've lead them all astray

I'll move on and let live today
For true life is a mist the rain
You and your words won't kill me

I'll never fall to your game

January 1, 2014

Matthew

A fool will believe lies said
The truth is written inside my hands

I never did those things you say
I never played those stupid games

So you can spread your anger wild
I guess when you have no life; it makes it worthwhile

You said you told me how you felt to friends from afar
Not once have I heard your voice; or found such a bitter heart

You must be so unhappy when you think of me
I'm sorry he doesn't keep you his everything

It's not my fault that people will stare
You're angry for no reason and I just don't care

Never again
Will I sing
Those words you wish
You're completely empty
I never gave to it

He lied to your face and said I tried to kiss him
I was only playing a part and you saw it

You fed me your poison so I couldn't say no
I knew I was above it and still I let it go

Why must a face be plastered with shame
When nothing was wrong, except everything

I'll never get why you've hated me so much
I'm not this person that you've created in your front
Just trying to be happy
Seems it's too much

Never again
Will I be of good
Those empty memories you swept
I didn't know

I'm not this person that people will hear
I'm more than a face, blood, sweat, and tears
I have a heart that you'll never see for years
Too much drama, for one person to endorse
You won't make me have any remorse

You'll be alone again.
I won't let you catch me.
I'm smarter than you've imagined
Just made mistakes when victim to your crimson

You're pathetic
The truth of life
You can't get past yourself
It's all been a lie

No understanding
No good intent
Karma lives
You won't win again

A fool will believe all these lies
You've got nothing better to do
So waste all your time

It's sad to see such good get lost
It's great when I've forgotten what good cost

I'm stronger now than I used to be
You think you've got such hold on me
I'll be where the sun still shines
You'll stand in the street feeling empty

You will softly forge your happiness
Slowly you'll die
I'll never accept it
Those feeble little ties

I won't, reply

For you

I'd give control
I'd give my light
I'd smile
I'd cry
I'd always remember
I'd never lie

So if you want control; baby let me know. I crave your heart; not your clothes.

When the world caves in



We need someone to believe in

That's what you're music proves to me. I need to find him again. I need peace again. I need to stop caring about everyone else's view and look towards my own. You've never left me behind but I always left you behind. Forgive me.

Everything runs its course



This year

I will use names in my posts. So if it's about you; you will know :)

Happy New Year Bas ;) I love you dearly you crazy thing you <3