The older I get

Maybe it's the threat of death, the untamed claim of financial woes, or the lack of a true relationship that has beaten it into me, but I've lately fell into a quiet but analytic aura.

Today is a new chapter, a unique page has been written inside this book that entails the life that I've yet to been able to understand fully as I'm fighting to stay a child inside myself and yet the child inside me is growing into a quietly creature whose words have only armor to those that belittle the moment that fate decides to retract.

At lunch today, I was greeted with a message from my former half. He said that our relationship wasn't taking into account what we had envisioned for ourselves. The sad story; he's right.

With this new age of 25, I feel a sense of independence that is higher than it's ever been. I truly feel in every fiber of myself that it's okay to be on my own. It's okay to not get the love story for a moment. What I thought I wanted turned out to be the very lesson that is teaching me that I'm not ready to settle just yet; lest it be with someone who isn't ready to settle with me either.

While my heart is on a thread lately with the dangers ensued of my sister's health, my financial woes are overwhelming but doable, and though I may be slightly disappointed in this new found decision; I understand that love isn't easy; it's never a smooth path either and it takes time to build it into a formable fashion to which you will have a lasting future with said person.

Still, I can't help but wonder, does it ever stop? Does the complicated array of battles and mind boggles take a back seat once the truth gets closer to being near?

So, I'm taking my chances, I'm going to keep pushing ahead, because that is what my mother would of likely wanted of me. Her anniversary date is tomorrow. A rough date for me but a day to reflect, remember, and remind myself that I am loved. Even if life throws a curve at me; I know deep down; I have to fight through it because I've come too far to give up now. I've come too close to the real thing to let it fade away.

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