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Showing posts from September, 2014

Voice*

I was a child
Too careless
Too fearless

I was broken then
Too hopeless
Never open

Now I'm breaking down the seal
I'm not running from you

I've let go of myself
Justified in my reach
This promise that you keep
This promise that you keep

I was afraid
Too shallow
Too vain

I was a liar
Too low
So full of hate

Now I'm breaking down the seal
I'm not running from you

I've let go of myself
Justified in my reach
This promise that you keep
This promise that you keep

I am yours
I'm yours

So have me, if you will

God Complex*

Speaking angels from your lips
You've got a complex

Looking for failure to bend
You've got problems

Hold on until the end
You've got to let it in

Nothings better than what I've seen
Prove the words you say; longevity
If I try, would you like, where else to go?
If I cry, would you lie, what else should I know?
You try too hard to be impossible

Wise but only by your benefit
You've got intermission

Lurking for distraction
You're the cause of your reaction

Nothings better than what I've seen
Prove the words you say; longevity
If I try, would you like, where else to go?
If I cry, would you lie, what else should I know?
You try too hard to be impossible

Reverse the things you've said
You've got a complex

Change your mind and still play dead
You've got a complex

I won't miss you
I won't diss you

I've been calling
I'm never falling

Nothings better than what I've seen
Prove the words you say; longevity
If I try, would you like, where …

Growth*

You've wanted what you can't have
You were begging to get love back

Struggling for motion to sound
Creating your hell from your mouth

You've ached for so many years
You've wanted more than you could adhere

It's hard to know how
People are complicated
Love has no doubt

I'm always here waiting
When the lights go out; we're fading away
My memory; still carries you in the wind
I'm always here searching
When the world is feeling hopeless
My dreams; still carry you in the wind
Someday I'll know how to live

You've managed to get by
Telling yourself so many lies

You've never been one to admit
What you really think

Just time to forfeit

I'm always here waiting
When the lights go out; we're fading away
My memory; still carries you in the wind
I'm always here searching
When the world is feeling hopeless
My dreams; still carry you in the wind
Someday I'll know how to live

Built walls behind us for what we had
Vacant bricks that crumble on…

Is it sad or just a sign of bitterness?

In my short life, I've fallen in love in as little as 5 times, two of which don't count because they were so short term that if it had been a series on HBO; it would of likely never caught on but I digress.

Tonight, my good friend Brock got me on a gay-themed movie on Netflix entitled "Getting Go: The Go Doc Project" and for some reason; I felt a lot of emotional distance after watching it. The guy didn't get his love story he was looking for; though he found himself a bit which is still relatively a nice catch.

I can't help feeling that the older I get, the more bitter I'm becoming. I hate feeling any kind of pain, whether it's emotional, or otherwise. I hate being reminded of what I never accomplished. I hate knowing I wasn't successful in my attempt at finding what I see in other walks of life around me.

Films like this have always been touchy for me because it always takes me back to times that I've wanted to forget; the pain, the knowledg…

Ghost of your past

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Soundtrack: Black Light Dinner Party - I Was Right

Rainbows

Channel this clutter to the seas

Of Nature & Stone

New pathways, new dreams

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You cannot steal what isn't yours to begin with

I'll show you how to make

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Your soul and mind as one

Random Honesty*

They say people are weakness
They say I'm never alone
I've tried so much I'm going on
You wouldn't see my face I'm only a screen away
I'm good with second guessing If it makes you feel okay
Scars are just paintings like I'm feeling sane
We want what we can't have We're begging for something back
We won't give what we should Blessings never came
They say I'm different I think I believe them
Drink down your tomorrow Drink down your sorrow
I feel the good life You suffer inside the sky
I felt a new wave I'm feeling new ways
I wonder who I am I know who I am
You try to teach me I'm trying to keep me
You speak too heavily I'm speaking random honesty

Weakness*

They build you up
To break you down

They say one thing
Meaning another

You can't change the past
Only yourself; to keep on track

It takes you over
Giving them all your power
Try hard not to keep it in
Say it with me; we'll begin again
Begin again

I hear the words so quietly
You can't make everything

They mean what they don't want to say
Scary and crazy but it pushes you away

I feel it in the things you hate

It takes you over
Giving them all your power
Try hard not to keep it in
Say it with me; we'll begin again
Begin again

We're weak to the human tide
We rush and rush and fight

One life and another well
It's not forever, so make it count

Youth*

We were quiet little voices
Searching behind castles
Pouring out our dreams

Misunderstood, we wondered
Fighting all the wind

We're brighter now
Now we let ourselves begin

It's cruel but you have to do it
It's trivial but love is a movement
Don't forget but never remember
All the words, there is never to surrender
Love, escapes from these arms
Missing your lips, never holding on

Don't think too much, we're passing by
I want to see smiles, rivers of light
All these onings, the people erase
Now we're growing, two faces between

Young and too bound
Mystery of deception and sound
I've been certain
I'm where I am now
For you

It's cruel but you have to do it
It's trivial but love is a movement
Don't forget but never remember
All the words, there is never to surrender
Love, escapes from these arms
Missing your lips, never holding on

Misunderstood, we cried and begged
Fighting the fortress, of wisdom and sin

We're brighter now
Now we let ourse…

They won't know who we are

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So we can both pretend

Chaos follows a wise trail

Growing up, I was never the popular kid that got invited to parties and things; mostly because I kept to myself a lot. I was hurt by a lot of people; some I knew and invested in and others I didn't even say hi to on first glance.

The more I think over it and the more I look at life for what it is; the more I realize that it's good that I have an independence in me that gets stronger and stronger everyday. I have no need for social interactions because I am already validated in who I am; and I don't feel it necessary to keep trying to prove what worth I have to people who are unwelcoming or for lack of a better word; can't appreciate me.

At the end of the day; I'd like to help people. I'd like to have a lasting impact on people's lives but I fear that sometimes; I'm day dreaming and thinking I can offer this change but reality is settling in and I'm seeing that we can only help ourselves. Change is on-going. You can't expect things to be perfecte…

If I were a girl

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As they crave to be touched, her supple skin like ice

Split in two

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Never divided

Justify

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Lovers

Barriers

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Guarded is the heart of strength

Between

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Two worlds upon our eyes

Circa July 2011

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My favorite guy ever; AC Monroe :)
&&
My super crazy face (sunglasses were my thing then)

#googlechromebookpilots #cr48testers #2011

Circa November 2013

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Get it Cooper!?!

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#gettingthatsexy #hotboyfriend #coopersofly

How you feel when...

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Somebody throwin' shade

You and I are switching places

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Trading thoughts and changing faces

I think I’m someone who can listen

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It's her reflection on the water

Creature*

I've opened up to bring out the truth
It's lifeless, the meaning that you keep, just for you

We've built up these walls like cities full of sins
Higher than the sky, the words to let you win

We are, always losing time
You've already lost your mind

Tell the world just what to believe
It's impossible to love everything

What would it take to run away?

You're sorry but you can't let go
You're unworthy, captive inside yourself
You're sorry but you can't let go
You're uneasy, never find yourself

It's impossible, to reveal love

I'm a rare form of justice and youth
You could miss the world in front of you

I don't miss anything at all
Bitter doorways and cheap phone calls

I don't need the touch you can give
I've had better

I forget you live

You're sorry but you can't let go
You're unworthy, captive inside yourself
You're sorry but you can't let go
You're uneasy, never find yourself

I forget you still live

The best life lesson I've learned

Along the way, I've encountered the pan-sexual that didn't know what he wanted; the guy that fought every word that ever came out of my mouth; the so-called friend that slept with anyone I loved; and the delightful drug addict that felt like drugs were the great thing since puberty.

All I have to say to people out there that are struggling to find answers in those situations or struggling to let go of those people is this...

First mistake - let it fly  Second mistake - say goodbye 
The reason it's imperative that you let go on the second mistake is because those mistakes are purposeful and they are patterns which will lead you on a path you don't want to be on. These lessons you learn out of your mistakes are meant to guide you; protect you; and build you into the person you were meant to be. 
So take the initiative; let those bad people flee out of your life and focus on the most important person of all; yourself. The reality in life is that you only have yourself and …

Rise above

I know that life will always throw lessons and curve balls at you. It still doesn't change how you feel or deal with it but we all have our own process that works for us.

Depending on the situation; I will be upset for a day or so and then shortly after I will re-evaluate the situation and determine if I should continue to pull through it or address it head on.

Most of the time, I pull through and use these mishaps as stepping stones towards my future. I use it to better myself, my way of thinking, and how I will handle future situations of the same calibre.

I think that for me, it's best to completely obliterate things from my life once they become unpleasant and do nothing but cause me stress, over thinking, and an overall negative effect in my emotional state of being.

Lately, I've let go of a lot of things that were breaking me. I've taken a high hit against my name and a lot of things have happened to me that have taught me life lessons I needed to learn. I can …