The truth of you

I find it funny to see you're still pitying yourself. You are the cause of your issues; so you should be the one to fix it. No one else can do that but you kid.

You can blame me for what happened if you feel it justifies something.

We all know that you've been lying to people so you can make yourself look better in this. You and I both know what really happened. I didn't do anything but what you asked me to. 

He isn't at all impressive in anything anyway; why would I risk my friendship over that? Ask yourself that question next time. Do you think someone would risk their entire history for a few minutes of unwanted pleasure? I don't think so.

I'm not a harlot like you are painting me out to be towards your friends. You seem to have a twisted version and idea of the entire thing and you know what; that's fine because I refuse to fall into it and be victim to your vindictive behavior. I know the truth and the truth is something you apparently can't handle. You just can't handle the fact that you are with someone who is actually not good for you to begin with. I could of told you this but you wouldn't of listened anyway because it's all about you. 

Your friends are fools if they believe the lies that are said about me. I'm a better person than that and if any of them met me; they would see that I'm a really great person and that some people just want to paint pictures of others so they can feel important and just in their little sad world. 

He says that I tried to kiss him but I never did. I'm repulsed by the idea of ever giving him that kind of kindred satisfaction and you knew going into this how I felt; I have never liked him and I never will either. I know myself enough to know I could get and do get much better than that and to stoop down to that level was a mistake I made just so I could help you feel better about what is really bothering you right now. 

See, it's not me. It's him. He's been cheating on you for quite some time now and you knew about this before I was blatantly pushed into something I never even wanted to be part of. You did this to yourself. 

Knowing what you knew, you shouldn't be upset with me over it. I never did anything to hurt you and if I did (contrary to your lies you told a certain someone we know) you never told me a damn thing about it and instead of discussing it like a grown human being; you resorted to name calling and death threats just to make a point which I assume is still not made because I haven't been contacted by anyone with involvement in this situation and I refuse to allow it. 

I blocked you and two other people because of this ordeal. I refuse to ever see you; be near you; talk to you; look at you; or have anything to do with you or people involving you again. I've needed this departure for so many years now and I have to ironically thank you for pushing it into motion. 

If it weren't for my mistake of falling into your setup and getting played typically like you've done to me all these years with countless people; I wouldn't be happier than I have been in awhile WITHOUT YOU in the picture. 

The only reason why Jessica ever hated me was because of all the bullshit you did to make her see me in that way. You never were a friend towards me and you were always looking at ways to hurt and destroy my name to people we met so you could feel important. 

That last night I saw you; you said that some people are vindictive but you failed to mention that you were talking about yourself. You're not a good person; you're a sad child trapped in an uncertain world. You need to find help and you need to leave people be and let them live their lives accordingly. 

You always made it a point to keep anyone I found interest in or anyone that was remotely attracted to me; or my interests, completely out of our lives and out of the circle because you claimed to be protecting me but you never were. You were harboring these people so you could have people around when everything went to hell and you fucked me over once again. 

You're a perfect example of a person I would never hang around or want to meet. You're the reason why I refuse to accept people who do drugs or smoke pot as relevant to my life or my respect because you're the reason I fear the good in people anymore. 

I don't trust people anymore because of you. I can't communicate like I used to for fear that you're going to fuck me over again and twist yourself into my life like you do after some time. You're stingy, arrogant, deceitful, and a complete waste of my time.

Goodbye Massaj. I hope the sun is good to you where you are. I hope that you get better someday. I hope that you can grow up and be a civil human being one day. 

And when I'm far away living my life in a wonderful breezy Key West or the chilly love of Chicago; I hope you think back to all the times you hurt me and did me wrong. I hope you remember the things you did and didn't do. I hope you learn from it all and become someone from it. 

Even if that thought seems like a wasted dream. 


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