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April 30, 2012

In a home of...

I live in a home where homophobia goes with the flow like it's decent behavior. I can't admit that I know that all my stepbrothers and their friends dislike me greatly because of my sexual orientation but it's time I vent for a bit since I haven't in some time. I'm tired of all the bullshit.

I work a great job and pay for meals that hateful people eat. I'm tired of paying for hate when it never does anything for me to help appreciate my presence here. I'm better off in my own place.

Everyone fights; including me and my dad and to top it off; I can't really be myself here because I feel like I'm a stranger in my own home. Tommy acts annoyed with me often times and when I talk about anything; it's barely heard or acknowledged. Nick is a major asshole usually and will buy everyone else something but considering the "fairness" act that is supposed to happen; he neglects my presence because of his phobia of me.

I haven't seen my boyfriend in about three weeks now and it doesn't look like I'll get to until the end of the week; if I'm lucky. It's not fair to me to put up with all this nonsense and spend money on people that can't respect me or acknowledge me when I acknowledge and respect them on a daily basis.

I'm going to start saving back for a roommate and maybe move in somewhere. I'm tired of this. I need a new start again and this time; with people that love and respect me. I can't keep borrowing my emotions in hopes that it will get better considering the fact that doing it before meant me breaking down and feeling helpless for over a year or so. I won't do that again and I'm not willing to allow it.

April 20, 2012

Second day on the job!

Yesterday was spent doing training or CBL's as Walmart calls it. I learned a lot and at the same time; I was struggling towards the end of the day to keep awake; it's all the fluorescent lighting I think...really gets to you after awhile

Either way, today is the second day of training and CBL's and I believe after you finish your CBL's is the fun part; going on the floor and doing your job!

Wish me well everyone :)

April 19, 2012

It's official!

You are looking at the newest member of Walmart. My job is to zone, stock/restock, and provide high quality customer service within the Domestics/Home Living department. In other words; I'll be a gay Martha Stewart for Walmart.

Tuesday was my orientation. I did great and I had a lot of fun meeting new members as well as some that have worked with Walmart for years. There are a real great bunch of employee's at this store and I'm so honored to be working along side there teams.

I never pictured myself as being a Walmart employee but looking in the mirror with my box cutter attached to my pants and my badge clipped to my collar; I feel like I am finally going places. Like I matter to someone and they respect my decisions and opinions. Walmart may not be everyone's ideal work choice but for me; it's perfect. Especially considering all the OCD's I have. Mostly with cleanliness, organizing, and color coordination.

Someone once said that I could never do it. That I would never find success or make anything of myself; you were wrong. I'm finding success and I'm making an effort to better my life for ME. I hope that one day we can speak again to each other in a mature and respectful manner but regardless; I've proven my point that I don't need the drama and that I can take care of myself. I got this job and sailed through it all on my own without anyone else's help. I can thank God that I've made such a recovery in my life because without this job; I'd still be searching and endlessly giving up from time to time; wishing I could do something productive.

Well, here I go everyone. It's almost 7am and I have day shift today from 8am-5pm :) It's time to get busy!

<3

April 15, 2012

A new era gives you BRANNI

Recently I decided that in this year; I'm going to try and bring back my inner musician. I've let him rest for too long and I fear losing my talents if I can't harness what I've been given. I'm taking my voice back.

Along with this, is the edition of two exclusive cover art pieces for consideration in my next release. Both are artistic and modern with an edgy approach and grasp on today's ever intense pop evolution. I've decided to keep this project as private as possible so that I may work on it within my own bounds. I want to express myself in new ways but provide a quality experience for my listeners or soon-to-be listeners.

I'm strong enough to know I can accomplish making this happen on my own right now. The beauty of making music is that there isn't a requirement set in stone within your lyrical formation; musical infrastructure, and overall beat. You can do anything.

The first cover art is for the 8 song EP entitled "Polaroid Lips" which is releasing in August of 2013 following the debut of the second cover art which is the debut cover.

A lot of work will be done this year; so this may be a slow blog following these events but I will ensure that I give it my all this time and try to make something of these words that are busting into my mind. I'm excited beyond feeling.

Enjoy :)



April 13, 2012

Yayyy!

So I got a call from Walmart this morning informing me to come in on Tuesday at 10am for orientation :)
This is it you guys. My beginning to a good job for me. I'm nervous and yet super excited at the same time. This is my chance to really shine and show my potential in the world.
Thanks to my family for pushing me to apply..for believing in me when all else had failed me...and for enstilling in me the gift of hope and positivity. I couldn't have done this without your support.
Now I have the chance to change my life even more and to give back as well. Thank God for this blessing! I am forever in his name :)

April 12, 2012

Just some fun lyrical pieces I wrote

"You shot me down and I can't can't ignore it; if I didn't find love, I'd have to adore it...I wasn't enough but now I'm all for it, you brought me back and I can't can't ignore it...ignore it...I I can't ignore it...ignore it...I I can't can't ignore it...I had nothing before now" -Before Now

"Purple skies, cotton sways, these words come out like a play and I'm ready...I'm ready to let you stay so I won't ever cry again cause these drops of red won't be able to leave an imprint" -Red

"I didn't feel that moment until I bought your CD and then in the next room you were f******* my bestie...Like gloves, I'm about to pop you off; neglect the right to an advertisement; cause I'm dangerous like the boys on your screen; I'm raw baby and you can't handle me" -Raw 

"I stamped my dreams on paper and wished my youth away. The nights got sicker and my heart was pressed for space and I was saying "I'm not ready for this, can't wait to feel that hit and miss"...My world was on fire in the third degree, these people were always f**** with me" -Like A Queen


"F*** F*** F*** F*** F***, Touch my body and make me nut...I want that vibration that you got and those lips are so f****** hot...I feel your skin making me tremble; like vultures we go down until there ain't no signal" -F*** Me Like You'll Never See Me


Nothing official but at least I'm writing again ;) 

Won't know for sure until later

But I feel it in my heart that I got the job. I haven't been told what my shift would be but my earnings are slightly above minimum wage (which is fine by me) and my team would be one of the best teams out of the entire store.

I'd be working with some very good people and doing a lot of great work as well. Home Lines is a good place for me to start and I hope or should I say; I can't wait to get started!

Things are looking up for me. I've found success in a great relationship; a job opportunity; now all that's missing is a little education again. I'll get to that again soon though :)

I'm so blessed. Thank you God for everything!

April 9, 2012

My dream guy


I like my men like I like my coffee, dark and sweet. This is Lucas Malvacini; I'm assuming he's Italian but I may be wrong; all I know is he is very sexy and exactly the kind of guy that I am super attracted to. I love a little scruff ;)

Those eyes are so seductive too. Seduce me baby <3

Pretty Wreck-less

Used to be the girl in glasses
Used to be the boy in trash bags
Wishing away for something new
It all came back to you

I'm pretty wreck-less
I'm danger and stability in control
I've got your love in my pocket
And I won't let go
They say time can only break
If you don't say, what it is you need
I'm in need of your grace
I've always wanted the change

Used to write my heart out on fumes
Closed my eyes to forget you
It's not worth it to be immune 
To the advocate of hurt that's used
The nights always brought me back to you

I'm pretty wreck-less
I'm danger and stability in control
I've got your love in my pocket
And I won't let go
They say time can only break
If you don't say, what it is you need
I'm in need of your grace
I've always wanted the change

Take a little sugar with that pain
Numb out the activity that was in vain
Poke a few holes where they don't belong
See if your colors flow like snow
They call her Tina and she's invisible
Breaking lives like a switchboard

I'm pretty wreck-less
I'm danger and stability in control
I've got your love in my pocket
And I won't let go
They say time can only break
If you don't say, what it is you need
I'm in need of your grace
I've always wanted the change

I'm pretty wreck-less to me


Sexy Euro Kid

Contrary to me having a boyfriend now; I have to vent just a little bit about a certain little hottie who stole the storm last night with Tyler. Tyler is cute too though :) so many cute people and I never knew they existed around here. I'm truly blessed though; I've found a guy that really likes me for me; no makeup needed, no boundaries inflamed, and no hurt or regret so far. We've only be dating for a week or so but it's already onto a nice start and I'm happier than I have been in a very long time.

Now, onto this European hottness. He had the most gorgeous face I've seen on anyone, great smile, and such a lovely attitude. I mean, he had class, wit, charm, humor, and kindness all rolled into one. Not shockingly; he was a cool kid who came from Hawaii and came from a rich family. Rich kids are actually pretty awesome after all. Not all of them are major douche bags :)

My boyfriend already knows that if I had been single; I would of snatched him up ;) I still have a weakness for hot European men. I can't help it. They really are super beautiful and some are the total package; makes me wonder however...why are so many of the sexy one's single still?

Regardless, it's great to meet such an eclectic crowd of people. I look forward to meeting more in the coming months. Did I mention he was super stylish and smelled soooooo good?

Yeah, Chanel blue was his scent and I can't help to say it but; I was in awe over it. I mean, hygiene is extremely important to me and well, if you wear a little something sexy for me; it's an easy win for me. I guess I'm simple on that note but I'm very much into the designer cuties. Which may make me seem a bit vain or snobby in some eyes but I just like things that look great and if a guy looks great; I can't ignore it. I must adore it :)

So it's 8:14am here and I'll be leaving the house at around 9:00am to start my interview with Walmart's Home Living shift manager; Leah. I'm excited but anxious because I want 9:30 to hurry up and get here already!

I'm not overly confident but I think I have a high chance of getting a job. I really hope this happens and it works out for me; I've waited a long time for something to come of this place and to finally have someone who is giving recognition proves that maybe I am a great person after all. Everyone loves me so far because I'm random and extremely funny these days. I do everything from making fun of Cher to taking about ugly vagina and my favorite taste of alcohol. Yes, I'm quite the person now that my confidence has blossomed. I'm ME again.

With some people, you can't be you. That changed the day I realized that people will either accept or deny and if you deny me; shame to you...shame!

Though I have enough respect to say that if a person starts to like me after some time of not liking me; I'm forgiving. A lot of people neglect to remember; I'm a very very very forgiving person. Even if I share a difficult past with you or you've done me wrong in so many ways; I'm able to forgive because forgiveness sets your heart free and my heart is free.

Damn it though, half German and half Norwegian, I need me one of those guys <3 So freaking pretty. I really do have a fault for gorgeous men. It's a curse I love and hate at the same time. I'll always want what I can't have though; mainly because I'm never lucky enough to get what I want. Well, not in that department, haha

April 6, 2012

Job Interview, says YAY! :)

Today started out pretty amazingly. I'm super blessed. I woke up around noon and the first thing to happen for me was a phone call from Walmart asking me to come in for an interview. They told me to be there by 4pm and so I got a shower, shaved, and picked out my Sunday best. I was so nervous but it was such a relief when they told me that they wanted me to come in for a second interview tomorrow morning at 9:30!

First off, I'm amazed that they considered a second interview; it's not an easy task to get that far but I'm happy to be lucky enough to get that far. I'm still a little nervous because well, anything can happen but this is it you guys! I finally found a place that is accepting of me so far. The employees are super nice and fun people and the department I would be working in is one of the great spots in the store.

According to Michelle, a zone supervisor who interviewed me today; I'd be working in the Home Living region of the store. Stocking, cleaning, and tidying up things. I'd also have working experience within the Customer Service area as well. Given the shift, I'm assuming that I would be working 3rd shift considering that my hours are so versatile as is. I can work virtually at anytime and I'd be okay with it.

Just when I gave up and said...forget it...an opportunity knocks right on my door :)

God really does work in mysterious ways. I'm so thankful and so happy that I have been given this opportunity. It's a chance to learn, to better myself, to prove myself, and to really get in touch with reality. I'm not going to say that I have this job because that will be determined tomorrow but I feel very confident in this. I mean, a SECOND interview? I NEVER EVER EVER EVER get those. This is good for me :)

UPDATE: Upon arriving this morning for my interview, the shift manager had to reschedule for Monday at 9:30am considering that the store's system was down. I'm anxious for Monday to arrive. I hope I get the job.

April 5, 2012

Dear Illuminati

I used to love Madonna's music and now you've taken it and made it into something that I can't even feel or relate to. Unfair. I feel bad for the day that you will have to answer for all of your sin. You could be doing so much good with all this 'power' that you have and yet your destroying humanity. It's not right. It's cruel and cynical.

Leave Madonna alone please. Why take everything great in our music and movies and create something evil from it? Be original about it at least and stop shoving your beliefs and Egyptian cultural dances and imagery down our throats. I was given a right in 1776 to believe whom I want to and I believe in God. The one and only God that I will ever put my faith and belief into.

Contrary to everyone out there. I'm not falling for your symbolic mind warp. Sorry, I believe in only one God and he won't kill off random musicians because they don't agree with his agenda. So you can take your imagery and control and leave it at the door. I won't ever sell my soul to you. I'd never sell my soul to a society of greedy and selfish controlling people who only care for money and death. Life is stronger. Our nation is falling into a black hole because of you. You're turning our society into a society without hope. A society without freedom. Freedom is what set our nation apart.

You will never have my vote. I rebuke your power and I rebuke to ever be part of your movement.

PS: Leave my friends alone. None of them want to be involved in your propaganda.

April 1, 2012

2-23-2011: Transchild

Seems like we're out of time, young hearts lost within the sky
System of space and mind, warm words you will find

Child of two names, you were made to be happy
Face so tough and soft, you were made to have never lost
You should never have to pay the cost

You fought so extravagantly, young hearts with lock and key
Somewhere beyond the long goodbyes
Warm words you will find

A couple old short writings I had laying around...never posted these before

Writing 1: Girl

An eye looking for love but what shows is never enough
The girl in white makes a beautiful lie
Whispering to her friends, this is what I've wanted
but fair to be that she will never see past the sun
Love doesn't form from ink and paper
but lights beyond the green surely to take her
Fancy so young but hard as a shell
Like gaskets for old guns; her weakness can tell

Writing 2: Worth

In pictures, it shows, it glows
Dynamic, always changing, can't complain
The wind will carry what hurts us away
and like a child, there are secrets
Can't you stop deceiving; is it worth while?
Out the corner of our eyes, forewarned and forearmed
A place never known but surely seen
Delighted by the devil; surely to make you die
Say a prayer for the others; never left them in despair


All about a Leo

http://www.birthnumbers.net/leo

Take a look and then decide for yourself if you (as a Leo) or your partner (if they're a Leo) fits this article :)