Can't stop

It's one of those wake up, eat a donut because you still can without gaining a pound, and wear something furry and pimp savvy kind of days.

I hit the play button on my phone to hear one of JES' singles she did in collaboration not long ago. I love her music. It's the perfect amount of vocals and club centric tune. I really like the song. For some reason it reminds of an early morning Sweden. I guess Robyn wore herself on me after all.

Yesterday at work I overheard a beautiful woman speaking to her kids; her accent was lovely I must say. I was endeared to finally hear something from afar right there before my eyes. I know; I'm weird but I'm weak for an accent on anyone. If you have one; I instantly can't help but fall into your demise. Or so it has been since I was a child. Perhaps it's because of heritage or just the fact that as a Leo; I'm very emotional and it makes me react differently than what most people would.

I've tailored to the Italians, French, Swedish, and now...possibly the Dutch...her accent reminded me of a familiar voice I remember from almost a year back...it was very Dutch but very lovely on her...she had very Russian hair however so it's possible she was Polish? I'm not that great at pinpointing my accents but regardless, I love them. I get to talk to a sweet British lady from Cambridge in crafts from time to time and then a lady from Mexico City in Apparel; part of my department now since we've went under new code.

I've learned that the more I forget about the past; the more I learn that perhaps I shouldn't forget everything about it. Perhaps there is a reason I keep hearing that voice in my head. Perhaps it's telling me something and I just haven't figured it out yet. Who knows really?

All I know is it's much easier now to hear than it was before. Before it was linked to heartbreak and a lot of self caused drama. Now, it's nowhere near that. It's finally just voices to ponder upon. I've been asked about him a few times recently; I'm not sure why it keeps popping up but I'm not offended either. Still I wonder if fate is being forward about it and I should take action in some way from it. I've been asked if I miss him a lot. Well, I'll be honest here and NO I'm not needy or clinging on or anything like that; a person is entitled to feel however they see fit. I do miss him sometimes.

It's probably horrible to mention it due to the fact that he's no longer involved in my life; lord knows, I doubt he would ever even give me time of day again but that's my own fault and from that; I digress and only try to better myself from it. Still, it's not like I wanted to miss him because I know he never wanted to miss me but I still do at times. I wonder if he's doing well, how things in his life are. How far has he come in school; how about love...is love doing well too...how much has changed there since we've parted...these are all things I wonder from time to time...something I can't help but have tried to ignore for quite some time.

But, I'll never have answers nor a path where things can lead to something peaceful between us. It is what it is and I have to embrace it because let's face it; Taurus' are not so forgiving. I mean can you believe it took me almost a month or two just to convince him to forgive someone else for something that happened a few years before he met me? Ah, boys will definitely be boys though and you can't help but love them.

The important thing is; I helped in my own little way. I brought real love together. I created a happiness that I could never provide. Mostly cause I'm broke and this bitch is NOT going on a plane again. I guess in my own way; I've gone Dutch myself. I pay for my own meals, I take care of myself without any help from someone else. Excluding my parents, they want to help and well I can't deny them the joy of that since it's all they have left before I grow old and start to look uglier than sin. This is why aging sucks people.

Anyway, it's time to get back to my day. I guess when I wake up and not having sleep. I think too much. My mind ends up racing and all I think about is; "What if?" and "How come?" kind of things. Ce la vie baby. That's all I can say these days.

Ciao bella mon cherie.

PS: That last bit was in there to prove I can still get down on some foreign language ;) I still love me some sexy Europeans :D

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