Showing posts from May, 2012

Optimistic, Pessimistic

So here lately, work has taken a lot out of me. I've already had to use our Open Door policy (an anti-harassment policy) due to a member of third shift; a guy that used to be interested in me found someone else and to top it off; I have no way to get my bed delivered to my doorstep without dipping into my car savings which I have to loan to pay bills.

Life can be a hassle sometimes and it's almost unbearable when you really start to think about it. How does one deal with all this without wanting to explode into space and never return?

The moral of the week so far is "You can't always get what you want" and I'm learning that applies to every part of life. I didn't get the results I wanted with the bullying, I didn't get the boyfriend I was hoping to get, and I didn't get a comfortable bed to sleep on. Where do you go from here? Has work consumed me? Am I no longer in tact within my life?

Guess time can only tell but if it keeps throwing curve balls…

Memorial day weekend

So it's often times now that I have many foreign customers in my store. We tailor to many people whom are French, Italian, Hispanic, Indian, and so on. It's relaxing sometimes to get people from other places.

Aside from that. No one likes third shift and many could argue it's common among a lot of businesses like ours but I can understand the antsy side of it all. I don't like however, being told what to do by someone who isn't even part of management. Though, I digress and stand still because in the work world; it's all you can do.

Please, don't act like your better at my job. We're all in the same boat, with the same issues at the end of the day. Deal with it like a civilized human being.

Anyway, it's always 11:23pm and I've got to be up for work tomorrow. It seems I'll be pulling another 1pm-10pm shift tomorrow and then following the week with 12pm-9pm shifts. I prefer any time before 10pm to be honest but at this rate; I'll take what…


I found two gray hairs the other day upon the top of my head. I was shocked but more so depressed seeing that I am starting to age already. I suppose that's what work will do to you after some time but really, I stress too much. Relaxing days off will do me well this weekend. Ah, hopefully those gray hairs won't pop up again; else I have to start dying and acting like I'm 16 again to get by. What's crazy is I'm only 22.

Short Poetry: The Secret Life

You can hate me if you please You can get down on your knees Cause I'm not going be; what you're trying to bring
I'm able to succeed; baby that's all you can't see I did it on my own, and now I'm fully strong Cause I never needed anything but the drive The moment to stand and say I, so I wouldn't have to cry
It gets better on your own And I'm almost grown I don't know what you really want It's not so complicated When you let go I've been working on not loving ghosts
Cause broken promises can be steep When misery seems to provide an empty seat No I won't share my dreams just to please

Something new

It was on sale and it's pink. Had to have it :)

Random blogging soon

I'm not sure but to better aggregate my blogging; all picture blogging may have a dedicated photo blog soon. I want to record my experiences in life through photos at times.

It's not clear yet as to how I will do it but so far, I want to have my own photo blog where I share photos (that I take) at which interest me or I find a liking to upon saving.

I've never done a photo only blog but perhaps it will work well for me for a bit. I want to speak through photography. A new love of mine that I've found.

So, when I have this blog made and ready; I'll post a link to it here for all to see. Get to know the Brandon that has come to be. Get to know what I've fallen for. My highs and lows. Everything that delves into the life of.

It sounds vain; but it won't be. I plan to use my photo blog as a means to vent in photo form; to talk through photos; and to share my feelings through photography. Not always using myself as the prop but life itself.

Before Myself

For years I wasn't aware that I was the only one in need
I felt the broken pieces trying to destroy me

And then I listened to the voice inside
Telling me to never die, never die

When a man that just can't taste the reality
Takes his toll on me, did you see?

I'm going far from here
I've never known any better till now
I'm making something clear
I never needed anyone; anyone; anyone but me

Back in the day I was too hurt
I felt a piece of my heart burst

It took me so long to find a place
A place where I could forget the things they done to me

And then I listened to the voice inside
Telling me to never cry, never cry

Until now I never realized

I'm going far from here
I've never known any better till now
I'm making something clear
I never needed anyone; anyone; anyone but me

The truth is, I did it all for you
I gave myself hell cause I wanted to be used
And when you and I stood so far
I found a brand new scar and it was
It was just a mere dream to me



:)And I'm great at it!

Long shifts

Here lately I've been overly busy with work. I haven't had any time to really do any catching up with friends or go out to have a nice night out. I've started a goal at which I will be opening a savings account for soon. I want to get myself a car.

After paying the electric bill and our internet bill the other day; I got $250 back and so I'm at an endless debate; get a bed (since I sleep on the floor) or save all of it towards my car.

I'm not particularly sure what to do with it; it's rare that I make any goals or decisions when it comes to my money cause frankly; not a lot can be done with it these days. I'm thinking of saving for my car now rather than wait until Thursday when I get paid again. Yet, I really want a futon and well, I need an actual bed...what I sleep on now is just not healthy for anyone really

Ah, the joys of figuring out how to spend...I've already learned how to budget groceries and things; it's just a matter of taking it all in…

I love my haters

I often get laughed at and made fun of by ignorant customers from time to time at work. It's a thing that while it agitates me; I'm relieved to know that they can laugh all they want because guess what? They pay my bills. So who's really got the last laugh? ;)

Still these people normally do it because they come from places in our country that are still stuck in the 18th century. It's not right but they do. Sadly to say that our country is falling and falling every day and nothing can be done about it because our government would rather spend money on things we don't need than take care of their people.

Found out today that I work with a Leo; she's from Brooklyn New York and her accent makes me smile. I love northern accents. Guys with them however; not always sexy but still; in a "spice it up" kind of way, it can work.

Oh, and I thought I saw a look-a-like for a minute today. Though he was a shorter version; he looked similarly to my ex. I thought and…

"The Lights" (Demo concept)

From Open Minds Entertainment (A public label) - This is the demo that's caught my attention lately. I love the beat. I love the hook. I'm definitely feeling this one :)

Here; have a listen to it:

Got a great line of ideas lined up with lyrics. I think I could work with this one pretty well.

Yeah, it's definitely on repeat for me lately. Just the hook is enough to make me want to buy the licensing to use this for my upcoming EP project. Lots to do but lots to consider!

An ideal battle for sound

To jump start on my EP that I'm working on in August this year; I've found a label with great production though it isn't in my style; it's a start. Yes, I'll be dabbling into R&B and considering my falsetto style; it may work for me.

One track has claimed me already which is produced by Nine Diamond and features  beautiful vocals from Young Marquis whom contributes a beautiful hook to the track I'm considering. It's $35 for licensing which is a small price to pay for such good production quality. I'm superbly picky with whom I'm wanting to work with these days. I want quality music; beats and rhythms that I can not only feel but write to.

I'm still exploring my options as of this moment but I'm hoping to get started on my EP this summer. I've put it off for quite some time; considering my success lately with work; it's time to jump into the music bus and get to singing. I miss you oh dearest microphone. I need your vibrations in …

That odd moment when...

A guy you meet resembles an awfully high amount of similarity with an ex boyfriend of yours.

Similarity 1 - He's tall

Similarity 2 - He has an enchanting smile

Similarity 3 - He looks very European

Similarity 4 - He's very intelligent

Similarity 5 - He knows how to dress well

Similarity 6 - He's very kind

Similarity 7 - He has a classy side

Okay, so yeah maybe I'm drawing a bit of a line here but really; it's rare that these moments happen to me but I figured it was worthy of a few minutes to note. He's cute and pretty sweet so far; so the odds are...things will work well between us (because he's sweet, mind you) but's strange...seeing a familiar face attached to a very different individual...It's almost surreal

He's from upstate New York; so in a sense; he's got a bit of that Dutch undertone that New York is known for. Again; another similarity (although my ex is actually Dutch and quite fluent in the art of french, and many othe…

No time left

So this morning I was greeted with a text message from Tony. A guy I've been dating for some time now to find that he wanted to quit being together considering that we never get to see each other due to our busy lives.

Ever since I started working and he got promoted at his new job; it just hasn't been the same. Neither one of us is able to keep up with each other or much less really contact each other. I've had this problem a lot; not being able to have a relationship that fits the mold of the rest of my agenda during the days but it's really taking a toll.

I've come to the conclusion; my final verdict for myself that love and all that Hollywood bullshit isn't for me. I don't have time for it and it certainly has no time for me. I want to focus on my life; on what will keep me happy and keep me within good shoes. I'm tired of the misguides and the updated appearance of more dropouts who would rather waste time than really dive into my heart. So I'm…

The problem is...

When I try to reach out and do my best to prove that I've done quite a number of good for your acceptance in me; your still neglecting my presence and you deny my call. It's unfair considering that I've done my part to repair all of my wrong doings whenever it was that I could; it's time for you to start doing your part and helping to repair broken pieces as well. It's not much; just enough to let it go even more.

I know; I mean nothing to you because you've held such a grudge that even Queen Elizabeth couldn't fix but it's time that we grow up. I'd rather fancy a moment to really express our new lives. I've become a better person (not just from your perspectives) but from my own reflections after the situations that occurred.

The truth is; I've missed talking to you as friends. I've missed hearing about the land afar and how different things are. I've missed seeing your happiness shine. Call me a fool for feeling this way but it'…

Tell me it isn't so

After some research on the 13 bloodlines of the Illuminati; it would appear that I had a close call of dabble with that bloodline considering someone I knew.

Out of all people I knew; it had to be you that has historical ties within your family to this organization; or so many sources have claimed. I won't judge you personally but I find it scary to think of the very thought of it ever coming to terms.

While I know someone who rebukes such causes; I can't help but be cautious of my surroundings and the people whom I am involved. Luckily I won't ever be approached to join such a sinister cult but if I ever had that happen because of family ties like you; I'd refuse and move.

I hope that your not fallen within those secrets and I was blinded to be such a fool to this idea but if I was; it's good that our paths stirred within different reason. I couldn't bare to see my family be put in danger. I won't accept it because accepting such vulgar behavior is accepti…

Reality is dead

Fame, riches, glory, and abundance of financial providence is nothing less than a cop out.

So many people in the world want a luxury life; to live in homes that look like corporate palaces and have no edge or flare in personal touch but rather look exactly like the typical stage setting for an ill conceived idea of what is supposed to be.

I've looked at so many homes and seen such a false resemblance of what we are as people and realized that so many people in our world are under control; but neglect to realize; it's not their own.

Just because your family has the goods or your name is popular among conversations and tabloids; doesn't give you a right to badger and spread vainglory of your fortunes upon the less fortunate. The less fortunate paid for your happiness and your well being.

People someones wonder after meeting me why money is so evil and meaningless to me. It's because of these folks who roam our planet advocating so many false practices and damaging outloo…

I'm crazy

So many of my friends think I've gone crazy; I call it dedication. See, I get up 4 hours in advance for work; any remaining hours or minutes that I have left to kill go towards my preparing for my work such as taking early morning store tours to familiarize myself with new merchandise and eating a balanced breakfast to help jump start my day.

You can call me crazy all you want but I work hard and I take my job seriously. I'll do what I have to do to ensure that I perform at my best for my customers and my customers seem to be thankful so far. I've had many members of my team tell me how great of a job I'm doing and how sweet I am with customers; it's very moving to have so much love and support from the associates I work with. Everyone is really kind and they really work hard. I'm with a great team of people and I couldn't ask for anyone else.

In terms of love; I'm still realizing that loving yourself comes first and after that is the moment where you c…