So they say

Blue eyes are the most beautiful eyes and typical upon blondes. I'm not a blonde however and contrary to popular believe; brunettes have more fun. See, I love to party like the next one but I like a nice candle lit dinner, a glass of rose wine, and some soothing jazz playing in the background. I like those sweet moments when you feel loved just by the scent of fragrances and bath salts invigorating your home.

I have a liking to a guy I know. He's adorable, gorgeous too, but beyond that, his personality can't be beat. I can laugh more around him, I can let my guard down. I feel at ease and like the most beautiful soul in the world around him. The only downfall; he's taken. Yes, while I'm a great catch, sometimes I score on levels that even scientists can't compare. Nonetheless, it's great to have a crush on someone for a change; it's a clear reminder that not only do I still have it but I still have an interest in men.

Tonight; hopefully; will be a nice start to a grand ol' week day or two with my good friend Kevin. Kevin and I have known each other since I first moved here. While we're both equally bottoms; and many people have suspected us as play partners; it's never been like that and I'm perfectly satisfied by it. He's a sweet person, a caring person, and I admire him for his work with special needs children. I find that anyone who can put care in those less fortunate from us, is clearly more kindered than I. I care for the unjustified; those that have been hurt and cast out. I like to be the voice for those that can't be voices for their own.

Back in middle school, I had my bully days but I didn't always bully; I bullied however; only because of my afflictions with bullies. Still, I had a heart and I got past that phase after 6th grade when I realized that I wasn't right for hurting someone else and that I didn't want that to be the person I would be. There was a girl who no one wanted to be around because of her weight and the factor of her disorder. People would make fun of her and it always did something to me. I felt so sad for her, I wanted to see the hurt for her disappear because I knew that I had been done wrong and I wanted to help her. I befriended her one day in a walk past lockers in the hallway. I smiled politely and asked her if she wanted to meet me at my table during lunch; she said yes.

When lunch time came around and she came to my table where myself and my close friends were; a guy by our table noticed and tried to bully her. He called her ugly; fat; and at one point...a bitch

Given the loud mouth I was given at birth and the anger I had; I stood up in anger and cursed him out with a tone that even I was surprised by. See; for too long I was put under the rug like many others in my school and to see a girl who didn't even do anything wrong get wrongly treated was enough to make me realize that year that I wanted to be better myself and so I started from this moment. He of coursed threatened to fight me and I told him that fighting is stupid and if he thinks it would resolve his pathetic excuses; it won't. He never fucked with her again though I almost went to ISS (A place you go for being bad)

See, I did stick up for someone; it was just never...me

As a person who has had a rough life and went through a lot of tough situations; justice is something I value. My mother valued justice as well. I remember finding books and books on law, criminology, court cases, and so on in a box that my dad has in his closet before we moved. I asked him about it and he told me she was taking classes to become a criminal investigator? something along those lines. My mother was a beautiful person; she cooked; she read; she loved music and singing; and she loved me like no other mother ever could have. While I miss her; even at my age. I'm thankful that God gave grace upon her and brought her home. I know that she would be smiling and laughing with me if she were still here and for that; I can smile knowing that my heart is with hers.

So when someone get's you down...or does something hurtful and even if they didn't realize it...don't hold it against them...learn to smile...because even in gray; a little color can always bleed through and for the one who loves to follow and unfollow; yes...I'm calling you out...if you're trying to get my attention...please, just talk to me...I promise I won't bite and I'm not an evil witch or whatever; so seriously...just speak :)

<3

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