October 29, 2011

If Jenny can do it; so can I

I'm doing something I haven't ever done on my blog. I'm posting my phone number for all the world to harass.

Crazy as it seems; I'm curious to see what kind of calls I receive or who will call me or if I will even get any phone calls; since we live in an era of text messaging and non-social networking.


PS: It's a cell phone (at least now it is) so don't get upset if it goes to voice mail; I'll try to answer every call I can though!


October 28, 2011


For years I felt confident in my voice that I could sing just about anything. These days I've lost my voice so much that I can't even sing some of my favorites like I could before; it doesn't help that when I got sick; my voice was damaged along with it. So, there goes my dream career.

You know, it's funny, we spend our entire lives wishing and hoping for this array of miracles to happen for us and when they don't happen; we're disappointed. We get caught up in our worry and our drive to live in a world where work is vital and play is a back burner.

I've lost that voice. I've lost that dream. What does one do when they realize they don't have the ability anymore? How did Shania Twain get her voice back and how would I get mine back? Is it a yearly thing or something that happens over the course of a couple months?

I tried practicing vocals a lot more lately but it seems I have to scream almost just to get to the notes I want to reach and my vocals are scratchy at times. I feel like I'm aging in my voice and I don't even know it. Is this what could be going on? Is my voice changing again?

That's the thing that sucks about singing. You have it one moment and the next; it dies. I'd give anything to have my old voice back. To be able to reach the notes I could and sound like a professional when I sang in public. I just don't know what to do with it now.

I can't even get a job because in this town; people are hateful of my kind and by my kind I mean; gay people. You see, it's not like a big city where there is a little glimmer of hope some place; it's just overall not a good place for me here. I don't belong here. I'm too girly for it and sadly; it's one of the things that I can't help that will always keep me from getting better treatment.

It's not something I talk about much anymore because well; who is going to listen to me? Will they really really understand what I'm going through? Have they dealt with this before?

It's a battle. It's like the whole world is a giant bully and you're always the victim. How do you turn it off? How does it get better? Where do you go to get a better life than this and how can you when you can't even get the sources you need here to achieve such dreams?

I live in a homophobic state. We can all see it and it sucks but until things change here; I can't get out and enjoy myself. I can't truly find the happiness I want so badly. It's like living in a prison here. I hate this town and yet sometimes I love it. I love the quiet times I can have but I crave the loud ones too.

I guess it all boils down to......I could really use a fucking drink right now

A clean house

makes for a clean heart; so I was once told at least. It's only now that looking back on that small little quote that I can understand it. Every time I clean the house, I look around and think to myself how great it is that my house looks like a beautiful home again. It brings me comfort and joy and always helps lift me up after a bad day and if not; Swedish fish and romantic comedies help unless it deals with love; then it's comedies without the romanticism.

Tomorrow marks the first day that Brenda, Dylan, and the latest addition to our clan; Tommy will be home. It's been nearly 5 months since we actually were together in person. Now I know the horror that military families feel and I give them my gratitude in being able to deal with it. Especially when you love someone. Much like my past; I've had a great many of situations like that. Wondering if they're okay, hoping they'll make it back, and so on.

I'm excited for tomorrow. No more lonely thinking or discontent moments where I'm counting down the days to my death. Simply spending time with my family is where happiness stems. Though I'm not accepted (I feel like a damn credit card sometimes); I'm still loved and that is all that matters. It may not work out in other aspects of life but I know with my family; they are always there when I need them. When I've cried so many tears I can't stand it or when I need a voice to answer me back; they're there.

Sometimes I think it would be great to have a remote to life so I could rewind back to some of the great moments and enjoy them again. Or fix mistakes I had made so that my future could be brighter. Really though, in our world today...a bright future is nil for almost everyone unless you were lucky enough to win the lottery, score a big movie deal, or go into high quality porn...even that is a battle because you have to work constantly just to keep your head above water...and the work isn't easy

Some people could say I never really appreciated the heart of a working man but I differ on that approach. I do appreciate it. My dad is a prime example of a hard working man. Since he was 14; he's been working his ass off to provide for himself and when me and my two sisters came along; his family. I'm proud of my dad for the fact that he's a genuinely loyal person and I know that I get that side from him.

I get my bitchy side from my sisters; my stubborn side is part of the Whaley family tradition apparently; and my anger is just part of the Irish blood that's embedded in me. My kindness however comes from my mother. I can't pin point it but sometimes I just feel it. I sit a lone at times and when I'm really scared or really worried; I try to think of her because I know she would comfort me in those times.

It's an inspiration to hear from my dad all the great stories of my babyhood and what my mother did for me. She really really loved me and sometimes I think about it and wish I could have been old enough to truly have felt it; rather than just know about it.

You get what you get; right?

Ce la vie!

October 27, 2011


is so beautiful :)

Pretty woman

Sometimes I feel like I'm Julia Roberts. Struggling with life and then something good happens. The only difference is; I'm not a prostitute and I'm not escorting for a rich guy and having to wear elegant clothes that cost more than my dream home.

Still I dream of having a life like Julia's in this movie. Meeting someone, being swept off my feet by kindness and a swift charming stare. The only problem as to why I could never fit into the lifestyle is because one; I don't eat snails or other things that crawl and I'm too outspoken for most of those type of people.

I've met a few wonderful people though that would classify as what people would normally say are the rich and snobby. Not all of them are bad and many of them do have a heart. Some are just a little bit less understanding of my kind simply because they haven't experienced the hardships we have or never had to worry about some of the same things that we have.

Either way, good or bad. Sad or happy. I've learned from people I've met. I've learned that hating or shutting out the world based on their goals, attributions, or life choices is beyond unfair. As one should always say; Thou shalt not judge.

On a side note; I feel Julia Roberts. I've had a few moments where I felt cheap. Then again; we all feel this way at some point. The guilty track of life; eh?

In the 90s and today

We would talk through blogs, profile pages on MySpace, and the occasional phone call. It never occurred just how much our world has evolved. We've come from profiles and blogs to texting and video chat.

I miss those days back in the 90s. The 90s were a good era. No worries, no heartaches, childhood was filled with excitement that at the end of the school season we had 3 months of freedom ahead of us to have fun and explore our growing up process.

When I was a kid, I remember falling in love with all the boy bands that came out. Staying up until 11pm to watch MTV award shows, and scary movies with my sister. I remember when I was sick and I stayed home; my sister would sometimes stay out to tend to me like mother would. She was my sister but also my best friend. Something that as we got older; we lose.

I remember the old place. It was two stories and a nice apartment at least. All of my friends were in the neighborhood so I could always find someone to talk to when I needed to. I spent evenings with my friend Courtney and her brother, going to the creek, shooting hoops for fun, and playing knock knock (also known as nig*** knocking over here) and we used to camp out with our tents in the summer by the trail down the road to see if the urban legend of the ghost of Naomi was true.

I remember one Halloween we walked on the Old Walker Mill Rd. bridge and we swore we saw a floating arm (ghostly looking) in the water just below the bridge where we could see. We had a blast because it was such a small town that EVERYTHING was literally within walking distance. I could walk to almost all of my friends houses without a problem; trick or treating was a super fun time because we also stopped by the rich people houses and they were so sweet to us. They gave us lots of great goodies and smiled at us as we embarrassed ourselves with the "trick of treat" line that all kids said in those days.

Biking was a great thing and just up the road we had a playground that you could always go to. I spent many summer evenings swinging on the swings thinking what it would be like to see this big world that was just waiting outside of my community. Every summer we had the Boys and Girls of Salvation Army bus stop by and bring us to a public swimming pool for free. It was a lot of fun and they even gave us lunches and let us play games in the gymnasium with all the other kids they picked up.

Holidays were the greatest. Every year for Christmas; we had a local parade that everyone went to. They would throw out mounds of candy and other little Christmas goodies and gave us a lot of great floats and such to gawk at. We would also go to Asheboro where the fall festival would be happening and it was one of the most fun events in town. You could literally smell the delicious funnel cakes being baked and the sweet savory aroma of freshly baked pizza.

Down the street from where I lived was a tree; a big tree and it soon became my hang out spot. I climbed up the branches as high as I could and would sit there for hours, listening to my little portable radio and singing to it out loud as I watched the sunset going down from afar. Every so often a friend of mine would come with me and we would sit there, talking, joking around, and playing prankster games on neighbors while hiding out in our tree. I guess you could say that we were a collective bunch but really; we had something special where I lived. We had the gift of a true community.

Everyone you knew was there, everyone you hated was there too. Though I had a lot of bad memories; I had a lot of good ones too. I remember babysitting little Zachary and seeing him cry (poor dear) when I left to go home. Raising Elijah with the help of his mom Nicole was great too. Elijah was the cutest little cuban toddler you could have seen. He smiled so much and he was such a mess though he was very loving when you were upset. Coming home from school one day, crying from bullying on the bus and at school, I came in and tried to clear those tears so he couldn't tell I was dealing with some problems; still he ran up to me and hugged my leg and looked up at me with an adorable smile. All my worries and hurt disappeared when those moments came.

It's amazing what children can do to you; even as a child yourself. You get so swept up in life and drama that you forget that the small things are what matter most. I have so much life I left behind when I came here and I feel that someday; I'll come back home and find that life again. I want to relive those good times all over again. The days when I didn't worry about dating or fighting over who is right and who is wrong. It was just simply care free and full of wonder.

Childhood is the best time I believe; it isn't always but for me; I look back and remember the good times I had, blocking out the horrible moments I went through and I see a smile enchanting my face as I dream of the good ol' days. I'd do anything just for one chance to go back to those times. To live that happiness I had when I was younger.

Though I had a lot of happiness, I had a lot more sorrow. I went through so much hell as a kid, especially a kid without a mother. I blame my being crazy on lack of parental guidance but still I think over and over about it and realize that even now; that child is still in me, just begging to come back to life again. Taking trips down the street to get a little bubble gum and soda, or going to the pizza place up the street for pizza nights, or attending school dances with my friends and thinking "I don't ever want this to end" or even taking those nice walks to go visit my sister and her husband up the street.

That's another great thing. If I moved back home; I'd be right where I could see my adorable nephews. Kyzer says my name now and the baby smiles and laughs all the time. The happiest two boys you could ever meet :)

Ah, memories.

Virgin Mobile fail

Again and again I continue to deal with failures to resolve issues, rude representatives, and the occasional India guy hitting on me when I call to try and get this problem resolved.

I hate that I've had to do this so much but it's always come down to it. I'm the customer and I am always right; remember?

So I've been having issues with my Android phone lately and I am under warranty. I've tried and tried to get a replacement because I qualify and I even went online and read up on the terms for it (very tiring process I might add) and it clearly states that I am covered for phone damages that are not self inflicted.

Each time that I've called, they tried to contact corporate because they were unable to activate my number to get the replacement process taken care of. It's been about a week or so since I filed a ticket for this issue and STILL corporate is failing to contact me or review the issue.

I get that they are busy and have thousands of customers to tend to; but does it really have to take this long? Hire more people; I'm certain that there is someone who is willing to do the job in order to better your company.

Virgin Mobile has a reputation for being a horrible company with customer service but never did I have to filed so many complaints every time just to get them to do their job.

So, I've taken to the Better Business Bureau once again in hopes that they will finally contact me and get this taken care of. I'm tired of waiting to use a phone that I worked hard to purchase and still have the inability to use it.

I didn't write for a week for nothing. I put in a lot of hours and dedication because I felt that for once; I wanted to get something nice for myself; something that I could say I got on my own and not through acts of kindness, loving boyfriends, or family.

I'm 22 years old and I've learned that the best things in life don't come for free; they come from hard work, dedication, and experience. It's rewarding when you look at your bill and see that you've made close to $200 because you stayed up hour after hour; night after night to get work done so you could achieve something you didn't think you could.

If only money didn't exist; our world would be so much more peaceful and we as people wouldn't be fighting over fairness and who gets the last bit of chump change.

I've dreamed of living in a world where money was no longer an issue, when kindness just flowed with us on the terms that if we were kind; we wouldn't lose our minds. I've awaited so long for a time when judgment didn't exist. I for one; felt judgment for years and I know many others have.

It's unfair and childish. So when your going out into the world today; help an old lady cross the street, compliment someone, give a smile to a kid that's looking down, and serve words of encouragement to those that truly need it.

Remember; encouragement is unconditional and if it has judgment; it's not encouragement anymore.

My current addiction

Mmm yummy!

Roseanne said it best

"People can change, that's why you can't give up on them."

October 26, 2011

A change would do you good

The whole occupy movement is getting crazy. In Oakland, CA a retired veteran was shot with one of the rubber bullets that officials were using to try and break down the crowd. These people were peacefully protesting and now the police have started to throw explosive devices near them, tear gas, and shoot rubber bullets at them.

The guy that served in the military who arrived home from Iraq injured is said to be in critical condition tonight and suffering from a skull fracture and swelling of the brain. Is this really worth all of the protesting that we've been doing in my country? I thought police officers were supposed to protect us; not harm us.

It's sad that we live in such a mean and cruel world like this. It isn't our world though; it's the people. In this era of instant and promises being vaguely seen; we're losing humanity and our morals that helped keep us sane for so long.

I look at videos of this hellish behavior that is happening and it makes me cry because I never would have imagined that we would be seeing so many acts of betrayal happening here. It's truly not safe anymore to trust our government or to trust our enforcement.

When will the fighting stop? When will the people be known as the powerful ones?

It's all just unfair :(

To the next guy that "falls" in love with me

October 25, 2011

Cleaning house

Is never fun but someone's got to do it. My step mom is finally coming home this weekend and I couldn't be more excited to have family back. It gets lonely sometimes just jamming to a song alone or writing thoughts down but having no one to listen to them.

Considering I only have 3 days to get the house in tip top shape; I've got to put a move on it. So much to do around here. Kitchen will be the roughest part considering I have not just the inner layer of the kitchen but the fridge, microwave, and cabinets need there monthly cleaning too.

The good thing about all of this is I will have a nice looking house in time for my step mom's arrival and we have a new member moving in with us. Her oldest son; Tommy is moving in with us for awhile. I have to say I'm a little nervous but unlike Dylan; he's not a phobic asshole. Meanwhile; as I'm typing this..."What is love" is playing on the radio...can we say awkward?

Ah, yes. It's beginning to look a lot like fall here as well. Leaves are a changing and the air feels crisp and cool at times. At night lately, it's been getting down in the 40s. I can't say I missed the cold air but it's somewhat of a nice change from the sweldering heat we had over the summer.

Well, duty calls :)

Sip a coffee, close your eyes, and listen to some Sheryl Crow

Some of you out there feel this way

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Feeling like a kid the other day; I basked in the ambiance of Cracker Jacks :)

Those were the days eh?

I did it

Fixed my phone all by myself. All it took was some Googling and a bit of courage and I was back.

Android is wonderful enough to have a recovery partition on every phone so by taking advantage of that, I was lucky enough to find a tutorial that explained how to access it even if your boot screen was froze like mine was.

With a couple button presses; boom, it's like new :) yayyy!

The world will end soon

Because I'm out of candy corn. Prepare yourselves.

Sometimes, it's all in the groove

October 24, 2011

Too late (song)

You say, I'm not nice
I'm not good, at all
You copy and paste my imperfections to your thought
Only memories clear these vintage walls

You lied and lied to get past
You had a heart but it didn't come back
Now you go on empty, from what I've done
It's like a gun, can't love someone

Is it really, a puzzle who is to blame?
Both of us, both of us
There is no one sided story
Just another fate to crush
Just another name to erase

Go ahead and be like that
You and I know it's too bad
Go ahead and write your hate
You and I know it's just too late

I probably wouldn't care if I could
I probably won't ever see myself understood
I could reason and let be all I can
Thoughts from you just don't understand, understand

What kind of love was it before? Now that it's silent you push against me like a war
Did I deserve this, or was it just part of the plan, or are you more a man than I am?

Go ahead and be like that
You and I know it's too bad
Go ahead and write your hate
You and I know it's just too late

Until we let go, we can't ever see

Postcards and road signs

I call to the wind, come take my pain
Small lights trickle through my veins
Close my eyes and go back to the beginning
Where the road is wide and I'm still running
Where the child in me doesn't scream
Like stills from a movie scene
Young enough but strong beyond
These failures won't remain calm

Swaying in through my head
White lies claim my debt
Portraits up in the skies
Sorrow will be saying goodbye
I'm not dead, I'm not dead, just yet
I'm not dead, I'm not dead, just yet

It swallows you whole, all your wayward loves 
Can't you let go, can't help I'm not only one
Felt the bullet pressing into my hands
Like I did something that couldn't be forgave
This heartbeat faded long ago
Now I'm missing what I was sold

Swaying in through my head
White lies claim my debt
Portraits up in the skies
Sorrow will be saying goodbye
I'm not dead, I'm not dead, just yet
I'm not dead, I'm not dead, just yet

Spirit in the wind, come take my pain, so I can forget it exists
Spirit in the wind, come save my thoughts, so I can learn to live

October 23, 2011


With a cold and it seems it just doesn't want to go away. I recently found out that colds are most commonly caused by three factors.

1. Air conditioning
2. Air quality changes
3. Temperature changes

All three of these factors are common sense to most of us but we tend to forget the truth behind what causes this issue for so many. It never fails, every winter; spring; and fall. I get sick with a sinus infection. It's not because I'm unhealthy because believe me; I'm in better health than some people my age but it's a lot to do with those three painful factors of life at which I posted above.

Honestly, I wish sickness didn't exist but if it's didn't...a lot of doctors and surgeons would be I guess we just have to accept that it's part of this endless journey we're taking in life.

Here's to getting well soon!

The history of Halloween

The 60s, Janis, and a life unknown

Such controversial times back in those days. Even in the way that drugs were such a massive thing for people; that has sadly only increased over time.

No, the beauty of the 60s wasn't the free movement or the drugs, or even the sex. It was all about the music. Some great music came out of the 60s. I remember small bits of the Beatles and Nancy Sinatra.

Why is it though that so many who become inspired by this era feel so much need to take drugs, abusing themselves when they have the best gift in the world. They have talent.

The 60s marked important times in our history because it was when several movements began, when the war was closer, and when having a baby was common (though not as common as today)

Fashion was a thing that resembled the bohemian era and music tended to rely on those creations. Janis Joplin was most likely influenced most by the 60s. She wore clothes in that style and say with a jazzy brass that only the heartbroken can truly resonate to. She had the spark of someone in their prime.

Still, I wonder what it would have been like to have been in her shoes for a bit. Just to see what sadness she went through; the heart ache she suffered; the relationships she never had because of people's judgment of her. I resonate with her on many levels because of these things.

In school, I was never the popular kid, or the kid that anyone wanted to go to the dance with. I was the kid that sat in the back towards the window, jotting down in my journal my whispers and rants and daydreaming of a day when a microphone would echo the words that I wanted to read to the world. I would close my eyes sometimes in random moments; singing to myself as if I were in a recording studio.

My childhood wasn't half as bad as many out there but it was tender. Tender enough that when I dealt with the beatings, the drug addictions at 14 and 16 and the promiscuity at 17-19; I felt like I was entitled to something better but I never met anyone who was kind enough to look past the fatherly figure in them; it was always "You gotta do something, you gotta go" and I felt like a star fading in orbit.

We can lie and say we want to remember the good times but we all secretly remember the bad times more. I think it's because they were even deeper that the good times when it came to our emotional state. It's a bit like a horror movie. You want to turn it off but it doesn't go away. You want to make it disappear and yet it's always there to keep you company.

As a teen, sex was a issue for me given that I didn't have a clear picture of what I wanted, what made me feel, who made me feel, or where I should feel (of any kind of emotion or trance)

Many of us start early with the jist of it being we explore and just continue. When I had my first love; I was lucky enough to have lost something to him that was far more special than even those I've been with since. Friends with benefits never crossed my mind in all honesty; I did know of it's existence however. Never did I imagine that it would become important to me later in life when making critical choices on who I wanted to share those feelings with. I don't want to tell just anyone.

Much like packing for a trip; it's a story you write everyday when it happens. Boy meets boy, activity happens, tears begin, and lastly, a heart beat too slow.

Is that what this is really about?

Sometimes in life, it feels like love, sex, and the whole play by play of it all is just one big musical. A musical waiting to breakthrough and convey the masses with a glimmer of something beyond self extreme.

Still, I wonder...does the man in beige still turn the page?

October 22, 2011

Well this would be a bitch

Sometimes, good phones are just not so good. Back in September I purchased the LG Optimus V as my prime choice for my first smartphone/touchscreen and it seems it's lead me to a string of bad luck.

Today, after installing Angry Birds Seasons and transferring a couple apps to my SD card; my phone decided to become evil and start acting up. I decided to reboot the phone and now it's stuck on the Android logo. To restart the phone; you have to pull the battery out and of all these attempts to fix it; I've deemed it unsuccessful.

I called Virgin Mobile support in hopes that they would know what to do. The guy I got was nice and tried his best but it ended up in contacting headquarters which will take me a grand total of about 1-2 weeks before I will receive a response given the high call volume. I'm still under warranty so hopefully I will be able to get a replacement phone but if I can't, I will have to bid farewell to the smartphone world and either recycle the damn thing or flash it like crazy until it's working again.

This makes my second phone to go to shit. LG, improve your products because I'm starting to lose faith in you. I mean really, my phone goes into a boot loop the first time; sent it back and I got a good phone but then it got stuck on the damn Android logo. What's next; my phone will start murdering people?

I can't but be frustrated given the time it took to make the money just to get this phone. I wrote nonstop in front of my computer for about a week just to get the amount needed to pay for this phone and since then; a newer and better version has come into play on the Virgin Mobile site, deeming my phone out of date.

Here's to a new beginning all over again; wouldn't be the first time eh?

October 18, 2011

Home coming

It's been 4 months since my step mother left to visit family and because we are the 1% - She still hasn't had her money come in to get home.

Luckily October is going to be a good month for her because Columbia Southern University sent out one check earlier this week but it was only for a portion of the total amount she's supposed to be getting back.

Tickets went up so it may be possible that she won't be home until November. One can only hope that a miracle will happen for her and the boys.

Tommy; her other son will be living with us soon. I have to say I'm a little nervous given this will be the first time I've ever met him but sources say he's a great guy, so I'll just have to keep that in mind.

It's crazy thinking about what is just around the corner. The 1 year anniversary of my grandpa's passing. I still think about him from time to time, I smile sometimes because I know he's so much better off now that we are. At least he's not dirt poor like half of my country is.

A friend of mine actually told me that I should organize a protest for the Occupy movement but I decided it would be in my best interests to stay away from that. I don't do politics and I am not an activist. I do however believe in their work and I am in support of it.

I hope that we see America improve soon but I know deep down; it's only going to get worse over here. Europe and some other neighboring countries are feeling the heat too. If one of us fails, everyone fails. It's just how it works.

Recently in a older post I stated that I was going to do audio blogs, I haven't done many and they will be rare but I decided that they won't be done on my phone anymore. My phone isn't a good source for me and well, I figured, on the computer it's just easier to edit the headline and such right in the moment.

I'm excited for tonight. Tonight at 10pm EST, Google will announce two major Android releases. The release of the new Android OS (Ice Cream Sandwich aka 4.0) and the release of the first and newest Samsung phone to have it called Samsung Galaxy Nexus (or so sources have stated recently)

I decided to watch the event through the Android YouTube page. If you want to check out this announcement; hit it up!

Well, time is awaiting my arrival and one of my dear British friends just sent a text; time to reply to that one :)

For my international friends; if you want to save money on texting other countries, I recommend using Pinger (Textfree) via

You can get an American number for free and instantly without going through verifications and stupid junk like that. All you need is a US zip code. If you must, you can use mine which is 28540.

Ciao ciao everyone! :)

October 16, 2011

Blog changes

Soon, I will be taking some measures to change my blog to fit a more casual reader approach. Widgets and the like may no longer be available after this point in order to provide a faster experience and improve the usability of my blog.

I've neglected updating it for some time now but given the new year and the change in the season; it's time to update my blog with a look that suits it better.

Simplistic is easier to read and therefore; my goal is providing this simplistic experience on my blog so that you can enjoy reading my posts instead of waiting forever for the page to load.

Cheers to a new beginning! :)

October 15, 2011

Child inside


I wish the world was flat, so I could come right back, to what I knew so well


You wish their was just one language, so everyone could know, so everyone wouldn't be in anguish

Run to the woods
They'll see you there
Hiding out for something unfair
Always wondering if anything will come through
Run to the woods
A place they've kept for you

Child declined, lost your mind
Child declined, wasted your time



I changed my mind when I was a boy, a boy conflicted by the name


You kissed the hands of the earth, so no one would get hurt, still it got worse

Run to the woods
They'll see you there
Hiding out for something unfair
Always wondering if anything will come through
Run to the woods
A place they've kept for you

Child declined, can't realize
Child declined, can't touch the sky


We take back all our letters, so we can rewrite ourselves

and I

I could never remember, the ghost I didn't find, inside

Like a vulture you tear apart at the wound, in a sub culture of "nothing can do"

Run to the woods
They'll see you there
Hiding out for something unfair
Always wondering if anything will come through
Run to the woods
A place they've kept for you

Child declined, lost your mind
Child declined, wasted your time


Generation lost

So many times I see kids these days dress in some of the most repulsive rubbish you can imagine. Showing your crotch and your bulge in public is vile and degrading. Leave it for a bedroom or hotel room for that matter.

It's sad these days, kids truly have no respect for themselves; their partners; or their parents. I remember times when keeping your body covered up was still considered classy and elegant of you and you were seen as a respectable person for those gestures. Today we turn on the radio to crappy music that exposes our children to sex, drugs, illegal crime, and so much that they shouldn't be exposed to.

If I ever have kids; I don't want them to live in a world where they don't know what class is. Morals are important because without them; you're no longer in control of yourself and when this happens, you've gone off the deep end...and not for the good either

Some might disagree with me and I can accept that but hear me out; we shouldn't glorify indecent behavior and things that should be kept to adults. Why is it for adults usually? It's because it isn't of the same mindset of understanding that kids are on at those critical points in their lives.

Much like sex and drugs, we have the issue of bullying too. It's starts with parenting. If you raise a killer; you get a killer. If you raise a bully; you get a bully. It's more psychological than anything though. It starts with their mental placement and then it expands to their actions, gestures, demeanor and so on.

If we can change the world through laws and funding things that might have no need to begin with; we can surely save our kids from becoming part of a generation of "young pre-adults" that don't know what reality they're supposed to exist in.

Next time you see a kid with booty shorts on and a cigarette in their mouth; be the big person and educate them that they can do better for themselves. I know that if I had had someone around to teach me these things without me learning them the hard way; I'd be much better off than I am these days.

Always talk to your children. It's important for them to know that they can rely on you because even though they make act like it's not "cool" and what not, they truly deep down want to voice their views and opinions and the best person to listen is the parents.

Pregnancy is a major issue as well and I think that we really need to get more proactive in educating even more to show kids the dangers of what getting pregnant when your not ready can lead to.

TV glorifies so much of this stuff and it's horrible because a lot of it is false. It leaves out the rest of the story that our kids need to know about. These situations depict what they will do in their future. Remember that.

One song to describe what I'm feeling as of lately

October 14, 2011

Blog is finally pubic again

It was time to break down the walls and expose my inner thoughts. So keep a look out because I'm coming back.

There goes mister "I love you", again

Like a bag of garbage; another one is out for the taking. I guess it's true, sometimes you just can't get what you really want. For so long I thought that if I was honest and forward about things; I would reap the benefit of getting something that could last or something that would at least mean something enough to pull through small changes. Apparently; this one wasn't so right for me.

Beyond the usual lines of bullshit that guys give me after they meet me, this one was a bit different but still relatively usual. It's not everyday that I run into an Australian who decides in the end to dump me because he feels offended. I'm a self learner; I learn on my own but if YOU don't tell me what is translated as offensive to you; I'm not able to feel sorry for you. Your fault; not mine. I'm just doing the job that is; being your personal hand-me-down.

I'm not writing this post to ridicule myself or any guy for that matter because let's face it; that would take the entire blog space that Google has on their servers and I don't think we want to lose Blogger (or Google Blogs as it will be known in the future) anytime soon.

This is merely just a reflection of what I've come to realize. All men are assholes.

It's regardless of location, creed, look, accent, or demeanor. They all have that special charm because they all have the wit that makes a man truly stand out in a crowd. I'm done with it.

Times are changing as they usually do and I'm sick of allowing myself to perish at the expense of others. It's not right for me to become a joke or the pitiful part of someone's lavish lifestyle or dream. I'm a human being and I'm not around for your satisfaction; I'm around to do what is it that I feel I want to do with this life. Dating is no longer an option and I'm completely burnt out on it.

Call me bitter again but this time, I'm done with it. I'm done being kind and showing people who I am because when I show who I am; NO ONE is accepting of it because NO ONE gets who I am. The point of getting to know someone is to learn how to accept them in the end result. If you can't do that; the door is open and it's calling for you to walk back out as you came in.

I've been really quiet for a long time about what I'm going through with the 'new' guy and he, along with a prime example have exposed why dating out of country will never work. You can't be man enough to come and see me face-to-face. You're not trustworthy. You're unreliable because you leave at the second something comes up and you're not loyal to the heart but to yourself.

The beauty however in all of this bitterness is the fact that I'm gaining my strength back to say "fuck off" and actually compel upon things that I didn't see happening prior to the engagements.

So remember boys (because men don't fuck with your heart) - If you're out of country, don't even bother because I'm through putting up with your bullshit. Ta ta motherfuckers.

October 11, 2011


I tried it once and I tried it again. It's nothing more than false advertisement and a marketing scheme to get you to pay for bullshit rates that are much cheaper with Google Voice than any other route you could take.

It's unfair that when your advertising free international calls using a service called "FreeConnect", you neglect to tell the customer that your required to have an upgraded account in order to use it. I think it's ridiculous because I'm on the hunt for free international calling so I can talk to some of my international friends and the whole time; you advertising some bullshit that isn't even true or worth while.

FUCK you Jaxtr. You've lost my interest. If you use Jaxtr; I highly recommend finding someone else; you're getting fucked over.