So I finally figured out where our money situation seems to be. It depresses me but there is nothing I can personally do to fix it and I've tried to explain that some of our luxuries should be shut off so we can maintain our food supply.
But no one listens to what I have to say on that and so I digress once again on a subject I never liked to deal with to begin with.
Apparently my dad only receives $85 or less (luckily) after taxes and paying all the bills that need to be paid. Food being so expensive and all makes it all the more harder for us to figure out what will last us for two weeks at a time because let's face it, milk at $4.19 a gallon and a hungry stomach isn't going to always work and a gallon will go quick between the two of us.
Some people may not like may way of doing things but I find it's better to just do them and worry later. I won't lie, I starve myself sometimes when we get in these situations but I do it to preserve what little we have so I can have something towards the end and not suffer like I did when I was younger.
I know my dad is trying and I can't always expect things to be great considering that our economy is about to go into another depression and one that will not save us this time like before because our government is too greedy and wants to give all of our jobs to foreigners.
I know, it sounds racist but I assure you; I'm not. I just think that with all our issues here, we need fix ours first before we go around trying to fix everyone else's problems.
It's hard to be optimistic sometimes when you see how some of your friends who have went to college and gained degrees and masters in things; flop to the ever growing world of unemployment and unfortunate battles with food stamps and food pantries that make you sign up just to get something smaller than what you can buy.
It is very tough on all of us. I hate saying it but the huge part of why I've always wanted to live in Europe is because if anything, I know that the economic standing is better in comparison to my life at this moment. You can afford to live and eat everyday depending on where you live. Jobs are easier to come by as well; at least from what I've been seeing.
I could deal with adapting to a new way of life and progressing into a life that seems surreal to me at first but if it keeps me healthy; it's well worth it in the end.
In all honesty, I have no clue what to do. I'm ready to panic and start looking for local pantries and try to apply for them myself since my dad is apparently afraid to do anything other than just "deal with it".
Ah yes, the joys of being poor. It's common however and so it's not like I want to feel special out of it, I'm just tired of all the worry and wonder. I want stability in my life, I crave it.
School will take me forever (possibly over a year or two) to complete given the factor that I'm still unable to do most of my basic mathematical functions like division and multiplication. I also have to rely on my father to get me to school whenever possible and some days, he's too tired to take me, so I stay home and think of ways that would be easier if my town LIVED in a digital era like today.
For example, why not create a social network within the school that is private and free. Offering classes online that are hosted within the site like many others but do it in a way where the students don't have to install stupid programs or use 'special' computers to access them. It's not that hard to implement and I know quite a few programmers who could agree with me on this one.
I still can't stand the fact that my school uses a program that costs $2,000 per install and per computer. They have at least 15 computers in the computer lab. Stop being so old school and kick it up to our level; it's cheap anyways.
I can see I'm rambling and going in random directions and it should serve a purpose to know that I haven't slept at all yet. I can't sleep.
Point being is I don't know where to begin but to do the same and try to "deal with it" until NEXT friday. which will not be any different than today or any other day when all he will have to his name is $60 and only 2-3 days worth of gas in the tank.
People can laugh all they want about green living but I would rather live like an amish person than to pay sky high and never make it.
We really do live in a rich get richer and poor get poorer world. If only it could be equal finance for all. Everyone has money to eat, everyone can afford gas by driving electric or walking, everyone can LEARN from presidential and governmental mistakes.
I know I should be thankful for what little I have, but it's hard when your outcome can't seem to change. I've tried being positive about this and it's not working anymore. So, it's time to think a little more and look at what is out there. Something has to give because I can't stand to see us never make it out.
Meanwhile, it's nice having a 42" plasma; isn't is? To think that if you go rid of it and went back to the old TV for awhile; we could afford to eat again without having a major fiasco over the fact that everything you buy is the same things over and over again that is not going to last hardly and usually they only last for a night or so.
Anyway, enough about my problems. I shouldn't even be talking about this let alone telling people about my issues when people in Africa don't even get to eat at all. I just feel depressed deep down when I start to see how things really are here. I hope that change will come and that it will be good. We can bare to take on more b.s.