Setting an unrealistic goal

Many people have dared to say that my goals are unrealistic and naive but I beg to differ. I want to follow my dream; not lose it.

Today I was sitting in my living room as it was silent as usual. I instantly felt the urge to cut up an empty soda bottle (after washing it of course) and putting every bit of change I could find into it.

I know that it will take me years to get it built up but I want to start now so that in that time when it's enough; I can finally visit the land I have wanted to visit since I was a lot younger. I want to see what life is like their, smell the smell of liberalism, and enjoy the amazement of seeing foreign art and faces I've never knew of before.

I suspect by the time I am in Europe; I will be 25 or a little bit older. After 28; I won't be able to make it because my passport (which I never got to use) will expire then. Until I can use it before it expires; it will remain useless as it has since I first got it.

Today is one of those slow days where I'm waiting for something great to happen; whether it be a conversation or a movie is shown that I didn't know of prior.

I was nearly scared earlier over the fact that I didn't know some man was going to climb a latter and walk (or whatever he was doing) on top of my house. I panicked and the first thing I did was close my laptop; run to the door and made sure it was locked down completely. If it had been an intruder; I would have done the same but then I would have hid somewhere given the fact that our front door is our only exit.

It's always liberating to finally get a point you need to accept. So, sadly I've allowed it to take me in. I know that I don't know the future and I never will. I know that I may not have what I wanted but I will survive regardless and I know that though I've lost a part of what I craved; I'll move on...eventually

The problem is it's never easy being able to know what your getting yourself into. One minute it is amazing; the next minute a reality strikes that you have too much to do before you can get what your wanting. It's like an offense is on your record and you have to work for the rest of your life to get rid of that offense just to get the freedom you crave to have. It's sad and it's annoying but I suppose it's better than having nothing.

Contrary to the fact, I'll find something good and when I do. I'll forget I ever felt the pain that I have felt for some time now.

Either way, I must go for now. It's getting a little warm in my house and I'm getting sleepy from it. Sleep time again?

Ciao ciao.


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