Sometimes I look at pictures of famous people and think "must be lonely being them" and it's a major reason I wouldn't want it if someone said "Hey, I'll make you famous"
I admit that in my past I was at fault with it because I got carried away when it really wasn't something that big of a deal in all honesty, I guess when its your first true studio experience, it changes you for a moment if you let it.
You begin to seal in a deal that never existed to start with and play yourself in the "fame" game that wasn't meant to be.
I already know; I wasn't meant to be famous. I wasn't even meant to be a performer. I was simply meant to do what I love and to help someone (no matter how small the group) get past their pains and find their hope that they're entitled to.
Looking back on my experiences, they happened for a reason. I'm not sure what the reason was but maybe I learned something before I was told about it or perhaps it was to show how quickly it can change you and I didn't even have what I thought I had, I was blind.
Some of my close friends whom turned into fans asked me when I would do more music and the truth is; i'm not sure when I will. I just know that I will again someday.
I'm not ready for that life yet. I still have to grow and get myself to the point of learning what I need to learn in order to be the musician i've seen in my head.
I don't want to follow the crowd, I don't want to sing what people sing, and I don't want to be just another name on a CD somewhere. I want to be ME and the only way to do that is to do it on my own. In my own time.
It could be years from now before you hear me sing something or never again but regardless, though God gave me this voice; doesn't mean I will automatically have the key of using it.
I don't have the answers and I don't know where I stand, I just know that what I love is a complicated source of needs that I haven't met yet. I'm cancelling my planned musical venture for now because I have other priorities that need my attention.
If I don't meet them first; I may never have a chance of making something again. Some people can do it but its not always so easy as it looks. A lot of work goes behind what musicians do and people should realize; it's one of the hardest jobs to do.
I say job because it's like a job. There are steps you take to prepare for your release, recording, contract, and promotions. Marketing is another story.
I'm not meant to do it yet. Till the day I begin again; God bless.