To Find God

It's always been my DNA to be different in some way. I was raised in a baptist lifestyle with very strict beliefs that if I was gay; I was wrong and therefore, I was not going to Heaven.

While I still believe that; I also believe that if you are gay and try not to act upon such behavior while trying to follow God's commands and be more like Jesus; you have the chance to be accepted in the kingdom of Heaven when you pass.

It's a major struggle I face everyday. I wake up and wish that I wasn't given the burden of being unfit from the start. I've asked God many times why I was born into this life and why I can't seem to escape it.

People can think what they want to think but the bible tells us to sort out our own salvation. Each person has a different path towards this salvation. Some are able to find more answers or better themselves in a different context then my options.

Though I have yet to have fully understood where to begin. This week I plan to start reading on my bible plan which will end on April 29, 2012. I hope that I will find the answer I need to help myself fully commit to what I know is the only way of truly living.

I don't want to lose. I don't want to be the one that won't ever achieve.

Only I can help myself and only God can help me to know what I have to do to get home someday.

I will make mistakes, every person does. I have the mistakes of sexual desires and extremely vulgar thoughts sometimes. I know that it's not of God but I have moments when I give in and can't seem to accept that I need this change for the better of myself.

Feeling ashamed is something I deal with a lot because I don't want to let him down but I know in my heart, I will make it someday because I have faith in him that I will be home with my mom and grandpa.

Please everyone, pray for me. I will need all the prayer I can get and I will appreciate every prayer I get too.

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