Apples and Oranges

A book written by a fellow musician and friend Steven Garrett. This book so far is quite nice to read because it harnesses a diverse take on what God is and how God relates to our lives as gay people.

Today I'm reading chapter four and I am also inspired to write a little bit myself.

I've noticed today that part of the reason I'm anti-social is because of my past and being judged solely on who I was or how I looked. I find myself even now; hiding in the bathroom or in my room as the pizza delivery person is handing my step mother the pizza that we ordered.

It's a bit of a shock but at the same time, I've been so used to this way of reacting that I forget that it's not healthy and that perhaps sometimes, people are right. Maybe I am pushing people away a little bit due to my fear of being ridiculed by someone I can't help but admire in some form or fashion.

I know that lately I don't write as much as I used to but I simply look at things and think of them inside my head.

Hopefully my going back to school in May will be a step forward in terms of my social situations. I used to be very social back home because it was around me all the time; I was always in school or with friends or around my darling sister whom I miss very much lately.

It was just completely different in those days when comparing to the days I'm in now.

I'm going to set a goal soon that I can write a little bit so that I can in time, read over what I've written and perhaps find an enlightenment with what I felt then (at the time of my writing) and presently.

Maybe things will prove better than I once believed.

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