Showing posts from April, 2011

To Find God

It's always been my DNA to be different in some way. I was raised in a baptist lifestyle with very strict beliefs that if I was gay; I was wrong and therefore, I was not going to Heaven.
While I still believe that; I also believe that if you are gay and try not to act upon such behavior while trying to follow God's commands and be more like Jesus; you have the chance to be accepted in the kingdom of Heaven when you pass.
It's a major struggle I face everyday. I wake up and wish that I wasn't given the burden of being unfit from the start. I've asked God many times why I was born into this life and why I can't seem to escape it.
People can think what they want to think but the bible tells us to sort out our own salvation. Each person has a different path towards this salvation. Some are able to find more answers or better themselves in a different context then my options.
Though I have yet to have fully understood where to begin. This week I plan to start reading on…

"Won't Forget You" by B. Mikal

We go on, to a place that we've waited for
While the world is mourning and families are in warning
We lose to these games, to a battle that we can't face While the people are staring, not knowing that love kills the pain
No, I won't forget you No, I won't forget you No, I won't forget you
I won't let you disappear from me tonight If love wasn't here, then surely I'd never know who you were
You were the best girl I ever knew
We're sad, with the loss of someone who needed a chance We're mad, with the truth that we can't see them again
No, I won't forget you No, I won't forget you No, I won't forget you
I won't let you disappear from me tonight If love wasn't here, then surely I'd never know who you were
You were the best girl I ever knew
I believe, someday you'll be right beside of us, smiling with those big brown eyes.
Someday you'll be starting another life with your family, times that no one can take away again
No, I won't f…

For Mandy

I will light a candle for you during the month of April every year now to remember you. I wish I could have been there during those last moments so I could have shown you that you still had a friend.
It's been years since we had seen each other and I hated moving away from Randleman. I never wanted to move and I never wanted to lose contact but sadly life is that way.
You were an amazing girl. So full of life and so much to say and it was inspiring when I was younger. I remember all the times we hung out when I was in Randleman, growing up into the person I am now.
It's hard not to look at your picture right now without bursting into tears. I can't help it though, you don't lose some of your best friends every day and losing you is like losing family because back then; you were part of the family of friends I had, you made me feel loved because you were the first one to accept me for me. No one can defeat that.
Though your gone, your memories will live on inside me. I h…

Had the strangest dream today

I didn't wake up until about 7pm but I went to bed around 10am this morning.
I had a strange dream that the end of the world was beginning. Me and a couple whom I was friends with went to a hotel somewhere and were scared out of our mind from something we seen happening at the hotel (only we could see it though)
We left but before leaving I wanted to go grab my belongings that I left in the hotel room. A tall man whom looked very picket and stern stood in front of me and said that I wasn't allowed to go back into the hotel. I tried to move to get my things but I couldn't move, I was paralyzed in front of him.
It cut off and next thing I knew I was in a cathedral with very bright lights, television screens and people in the pews were actually satanically crazy and drunk like. I didn't understand it and it scared me but I was undercover to try and find out what was going on with the people of my town. They just weren't themselves anymore.
The guy I saw stood at the fron…

R.I.P Mandy Spivey

It was just yesterday I remember walking the halls of Randleman Middle and running into you.
I remember us laughing together and hanging out with Russell during the summer time; going to Nascar days together and gossiping in the morning at the school gym before we went to class.
I remember all of the times when me and Taylor would meet up with you down his street and we would all hangout together on the weekends.
Can't believe your gone. I wish I could have been there to help you through your pain and help you feel like someone cared.
It's not everyday that you find out your close friend from your childhood committed suicide.
I may never know why you did it but I will remember you for all the times you made me laugh; all the times you wiped my tears; all the moments I spent with you when no one else wanted to be around. I'm going to miss you Mandy. I feel so numb right now from finding this out. It's going to take a long time for me to get over this but I will get over it…

Gnome 3

So I tested out Gnome 3 (Fedora's Live CD) and I'm impressed. It's faster, more beautifully crafted, and simple.
It's exactly what I look for in an OS. Something that is simple and beautiful but to the point!
I stayed up all night playing around with it and downloading a couple things from BT Junkie. One of my favorite torrent sites.
We watched a movie yesterday evening called "Lars and the Real Girls" and it turned out to be a very beautifully crafted movie that opens your eyes to a clearer understanding on mental illnesses.
Basically this guy is anti-social to the extreme (things happened to him when he was a child, his mother died in a fire, his father wasn't good at raising him and his brother...etc)
So he comes across a "anatomically correct" doll (sex doll) from a co-worker at work whom shows it to him on the computer in his cubical. Lars buys a sex doll and has a relationship with her.
Everyone joins in support in the community to try and hel…

Apples and Oranges

A book written by a fellow musician and friend Steven Garrett. This book so far is quite nice to read because it harnesses a diverse take on what God is and how God relates to our lives as gay people.
Today I'm reading chapter four and I am also inspired to write a little bit myself.
I've noticed today that part of the reason I'm anti-social is because of my past and being judged solely on who I was or how I looked. I find myself even now; hiding in the bathroom or in my room as the pizza delivery person is handing my step mother the pizza that we ordered.
It's a bit of a shock but at the same time, I've been so used to this way of reacting that I forget that it's not healthy and that perhaps sometimes, people are right. Maybe I am pushing people away a little bit due to my fear of being ridiculed by someone I can't help but admire in some form or fashion.
I know that lately I don't write as much as I used to but I simply look at things and think of the…

Anybody Else

Listen to my new conceptual development idea.

It's not too shabby if you ask me and I love it -

Audioslave - Be Yourself

One of my favorite songs from this album. I remember being 16 years old and jamming to this album 24/7. Nothing like those days of being mad at the fuck head at the school that forced me to come out and the shitty parental "mom" figure I had. So glad that I'm past that point in my life.

Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave


Updated site and new mini profile

So I got bored last night and decided to build a new page on my site and have fun with it. I ended up with a mini profile page for myself. It's very basic but it's pretty nifty in my opinion. I learn a little bit of new HTML codes to use as well which was great.
It's already noon and I haven't been to bed yet. I'm kinda tired but I'm still pretty wired and ready to take on the beautiful sunny day that is glistening outside my windows. 
My parents are having a hard time with the computer. It is running slow; super slow and nothing is allowed to update or install. Something is wrong; hacker perhaps?
Either way, I'll be following them on that one all day.

Enable Voice Search with Chrome Web Store

I find it often now that I like to use the new Google Voice Search feature that is built into the Google Chrome Browser (Only available in the Beta version)

Your browser version must be 11+ to use this feature. It's fairly new to the browser but it has been around for a bit with Android phones.

To snatch this cool extension; click here.

A personal entry

As I look up at the night sky with it's full moon glistening in a four way interval, I think of the time I've got left on this Earth as a gift, a special moment in time itself that is more precious than any other subject or objective that is brought forth in life.

I've always been a religiously connected person (mainly I think it's from my Cherokee side in me and my family) but I've always rebelled against it because of who I am and how so many dismantle that with what I truly believe to be the only way to truly live when your on this planet; trying and fighting to feel or see something you haven't before.

Love is something I've rebelled against for fear I would be left alone; the thing I haven't understood and I'm slowly learning in my years of getting older that love isn't from a person; it's from a being. It's from a connection that we have at birth that no one can tap into unless they truly let there heart blossom and open their eyes…

Firefox 3.6.16 is better than Firefox 4.0

Recently I installed the latest edition of Firefox on my parents computer (they have Windows 7) and found that the new version was not only super slow but it would freeze up a lot and the interface was far too complicated and changed in comparison to the 4.0 release.

It's not often that I find a new version to be worse than the older one but this is a significant change that didn't par well with myself or my family. We love Firefox and want to experience it without a hassle.

Considering, I downgraded back to 3.6.16 and noticed that it's not only speedier; but even the tabs are more responsive. No more freezes and no more questioning "why does it fuck up when their is a video playing?"

Either way, I would encourage users to try this out for themselves. You will be shocked at the difference in speed and reliability. Sometimes, upgrading is not the best option. Don't worry however; support for 3.6.16 is going to be maintained for a very long time since many user…

Updated my toolbar

It looks rather nice now with it's contact envelope beside the scroll to the top icon. Instead of chatting or sending me a message on Facebook. You can now simply click the envelope icon and type an e-mail that will go directly to me.

It includes fields to provide your e-mail address and phone number if you would like for me to call you or vice versa.

Regardless, I'm please with the toolbar I picked out. Works better than Meebo! :)

Decorating with Vogue

Are you one of those people who get's a subscription to a popular magazine in the mail that you didn't subscribe to? I was.
Vogue was sending me 12 issues over a span of a few months. With all of those magazines lying around; they needed to be used for something other than sniffing the hell out of the yummy designer perfumes that I can only DREAM of wearing.
So I decided that since I am letting my wild pink roses dry and my rose petals dry as well; I would decorate my room. I needed a little color if you will and my walls have a LOT more life now. The storm was an added relaxing bonus to the job.
The first impression of opening up a vogue magazine is the impressive art that is all over the covers. It's like an art dream. Something only an artist could truly decode.
I chose two beautiful art pieces from a vogue magazine with was given in December, one very romantic couple photo, a dog licking a rainbow lollipop (cutest thing ever) and a fashionista for the designer brand "…

Highly doubtable

I hate to say this because it will probably come back to bite me in the ass but, I doubt I'll hear from him again. Sure you can say one thing but you always change your mind or you get busy or this or's just too many excuses sometimes
Good luck to me getting that responsible man that I want; though I will probably be old and ugly by then...who would want me? No one wants me now anyway

It hurts like hell but it's for the best

I deleted an entire folder I had dedicated to my ex. It's clear now just how low things have got. He won't answer my emails but yet I was added as a contact on Flickr; I have no clue why since he can't manage to budge any words towards me. Marvel at him perhaps? I think I'll pass until I know where I stand.
It really hurts when someone you had a lot of faith in disappears and starts to act like they're snobby. It's like you no longer are convenient for them anymore so they move on to the next piece of shit thats walking around them.
Not that I'm calling myself a piece of shit but I felt like it for so long because of his silence. Today marks a day to let go of the past; the things that hurt me most. It's time to move on and feel happier with life again.
I don't know how I'll do it and I'm not sure if I'll get through it like I expect to but I have to try for once. I can't live life in regret and in false hopes that will never be reborn …

German's speak the best English and here's why...

In my humble opinion, I think German's speak the best English because they give English a beautiful yet cute accent that makes you want to adopt your own language again.
It's like hearing a baby speak for the first time; you enjoy it and find excitement in wanting to know them.
I have a wonderful German friend whom I speak with over Facebook chat quite often and I remember my first time hearing him say "hello" to me. It was like all my problems disappeared because I heard him say it in such a way that it made me want to relearn my own language and start visiting Europe.
Though I've had a bad past with European men; this time around..I've found a great friend and someone who has taught me that not all Europeans are snobs and full of unworthy habits that plague you into sleeping more often.
Thanks dear friend, you've lit up my life!

Online video conversion w/o file size limits

So I've been on the search for an online video converter that doesn't limit you in how large the file is. So far; I've had no luck in finding one.
Using an online based OS; I can't download traditional programs.
My verdict brings me to this question...
Does anyone know where I can find this solution??

New toolbar

I am offering a new toolbar on my site that loads up faster, works better, and is still just as good as the old toolbar.

I've used it before but this time, I understand the reason I chose it before. It's faster than Meebo.

I'll be blogging a lot more often now on here, so stay tuned!

Watching Julie & Julia

Strangely I get inspired to write more because I'm seeing Julie's excitement. Perhaps I should write more anyways but still, I'm not always in the mood to write.
I digress however.

Bronski Beat - Smalltown Boy

This is my favorite song. I plan to cover it on my album.
Hopefully I can pay tribute to such a great song from 1984.
It's true, the 80s were the pioneer days of music.

Chromifox: Make Your Mozilla Firefox Look Like Google Chrome

Chromifox: Make Your Mozilla Firefox Look Like Google Chrome

Finally there is a way to do it! You can turn your beloved FF into a Chrome masterpiece. There is even an "Extreme" version which completely changes the way Chroming is done.
Enjoy! ;)

Join my new group!

Chrome Cr-48 Notebook Pilot is a new testing group for testers of the Cr-48 prototype to get together to discuss the notebook and Chrome OS as well as come together as people. You can join if you have a Google or Orkut account.
Sign up for Orkut today!

Using Libox to stream your media.

Recently I signed up for Libox and started to play around with it. For it to be in Alpha; it's not too shabby.
I tried out video streaming and video streaming I wouldn't recommend unless your on a 64 Bit computer with 4GB or more. Video playback is rubbish if anything and is ultimately an annoyance for more users than an added bonus.
Photo viewing is nice and works like a charm, you can also view documents within their web interface pretty well also.
Overall, it's an okay place to store your media but until video playback improves greatly; I won't be relying on it.

My first Blogger post.

Hey everyone,

Today embarks a new journey; the OFFICIAL opening of B. Mikal's new blog!

This is amongst one of the places I will blog.

This blog is the only blog that I will use. Facebook and all other networks are merely places to post short updates and such.

Either way, be sure to follow me on here to keep in the know. Happy blogging!