December 5, 2016


A few weeks ago, our apartment was broken into due to irresponsibility on my roommates part. Since then, things have just been chaotic to a point that I'm turning crazy. I feel like a stranger in this 'home' that seems to only fit one individual who doesn't even want me on the lease. What in the world am I supposed to think about this entire situation?

This year has been hell. I've lost people I thought I could trust. I've given up everything to gain nothing and I've managed to get nowhere in short spans of time and yet, here I am, living somewhere where people don't appreciate all that I do for them, or complain when I get things for them, and expect me to be a saint in return regardless? No. It's a two way street.

My heart is aching, my mind is racing, I don't have any desire to sleep because I can't and there isn't a single person I can vent to; I literally have run out of places to turn.

I don't understand what it is that makes people treat me so shitty but I am so sick of it. I'm tired of these fly by people that use me for their own advantages. Ungrateful people that don't understand the value of my friendship. What am I doing all of this for? Does any of this count for something in someone's life at all?

The torture is unbearable and I fear that I have a decision to make soon that will make me feel sick for awhile and not want to be around people at all for a long time; once again.

As if things can't get worse. Words are misguided, people want to cause trouble for no apparent reason, and some people choose to 'let it be' rather than address things and help both parties learn to cope and recover. Again, what am I doing all of this for? What is the goal that is going to set people free?

I feel like I'm at a lost cause in this situation because some people just don't care at all. How is it that people can be so cold and yet preach to me so often that I shouldn't be cold and bitter. Have you not seen yourself lately? You're the biggest asshole I've met, and this can top the fuckwad that played me for 8 years.

I'm so angry right now that it's keeping me from sleep. I have to work tomorrow and instead I'm here decisively trying to grasp my next move because I fear this was a mistake. I hate it. I hate all of it.

Does the good ever come? Does this pain ever cease? What did I do that warrants such hell?

I simply; don't understand. I'm lost.

November 4, 2016

Life Update {Apartment life + roommate}

So, it's been a busy month and I've been hard at work doing things to get further into my future.

About a week ago, I moved out of my family home and moved into an apartment with a roommate. Things have been going relatively well considering we are still working on getting things for the place.

I took advantage of a tag sale going on at work and they marked down a lot of Pioneer Woman items to $1 and some were even 50 many of us at work know; Pioneer Woman is a very expensive brand... I bought some items for our kitchen and now it's starting to look beautiful... I have several pieces and such for our dining table when we get around to making that purchase.

I've already contacted a woman nearby about purchasing two end tables and an entertainment center from her and she was kind enough to sell it to me altogether for just $120 which is a great deal considering $120 is only 1/3 of the cost of just the entertainment center alone usually. She's even holding it for me until my next check and will deliver them to us.

The other day I had dropped my phone (which I absolutely love and I refuse to buy anything newer because it is still quite a beast) and I had to email support and order a replacement device. I had a bit of a hiccup at first with the replacement device but through research I eventually solved my own problem with it and now it's like having a new phone all over again and it's setup to my liking.

My parents miss me of course considering that I no longer live with them but this new found freedom of sharing a place with someone is pretty dope and I like the feeling of having my own space and being able to do what I want to do with everything.

The bill costs are actually pretty reasonable and surprisingly; we both will have money to play with after paying the bills - the best part of the entire rental is that water and trash are included in the rent cost already.... free water and trash? um, hell yea please :)

Overall, things have been pretty good... though my roommate has been battling a sickness all week; he'll eventually get the grasp of handling it and regulating things to make himself feel better

The only downfall is that work has been kicking my ass and I've missed school for a week or so... which means extra work to do but I will get around to it as soon as I have the sleep pattern back to the way it needs to be. I hate working 6 days straight and only getting one day off in between another set of 6 days but hey, one must do what they can to pay bills and have food to eat at night.

Well, I hope everyone is doing well and ready to take on the coming holidays... I know I'm excited for what's to come and I can't wait to add more wonderful decor to my new home.... it's about time :)

October 10, 2016

Fake Ass Bitches

Dedicated to all the fake bitches - including internationally ;)