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Slow kills

It's never easy to see someone who just drops a bomb on you; with other people. Still, as I said recently with a few people involved in my life; he did it for himself.

Sex is the undertow of many guys here and unfortunately; the old fashioned side of me makes it difficult for it to mesh with their overwhelming demand to get off.

The realism of sex is that while it is great to have, it isn't a vital solution to making anything better. You can leave someone in hopes of more fun, but considering you are older than I am and still single; proves that you didn't learn any of your life lessons and that is quite sad but not the least bit surprising.

Men of any age have their pros and cons; regardless, everyone will have something they have to work on in their life; hence why we are here on this Earth.

Steadily, I leave a lyric for you to ponder:

Tell me if you love someone, do you love them all?

I know the truth behind your decision and while I am saddened by it; I understand that age doesn't constitute wisdom and sometimes, people are still growing long past the typical 'deadline' that we all give ourselves.

If you love them, let them go

Such are the clever words we follow and so seldomly understand holds such a valid truth.

Maybe princes don't come on fancy horses and shiny armor; maybe finding your inner royalty is the key toward something strong. Weakness is an unfortunate thing.

If you really love someone, you do everything you can to make it viable and true to the nature of both parties.

Unfortunately, you can't always get what you want can you?

Hence, my most famous of twos - Forever forward

Fall of Man*

Small heart, you beat so low
Words so weak to let me know
You smile and press forward
Seems like it's nothing left that's worth

I've wanted and only dreamed
I've missed and never achieved
What does this all mean?

Trying so much to keep a straight line
So many just want to waste your time

I'd give so much, just for so little in return

You didn't do it for love
You did it all for yourself
The beating of my heart
You never felt
You didn't understand
The words I said
The beating of your heart
You've lost your step
You did it all for yourself

Where did it all go?
Years of learning how to get comfortable

They still can't keep a hold
So weak, they've lost control

I held onto fear
Wished you were near

You didn't do it for love
You did it all for yourself
The beating of my heart
You never felt
You didn't understand
The words I said
The beating of your heart
You've lost your step
You did it all for yourself

I've wanted and only dreamed
What does this all mean?

You did it all for yourself
You've lost your step
The beating of my heart
You didn't do it for love

The older I get

Maybe it's the threat of death, the untamed claim of financial woes, or the lack of a true relationship that has beaten it into me, but I've lately fell into a quiet but analytic aura.

Today is a new chapter, a unique page has been written inside this book that entails the life that I've yet to been able to understand fully as I'm fighting to stay a child inside myself and yet the child inside me is growing into a quietly creature whose words have only armor to those that belittle the moment that fate decides to retract.

At lunch today, I was greeted with a message from my former half. He said that our relationship wasn't taking into account what we had envisioned for ourselves. The sad story; he's right.

With this new age of 25, I feel a sense of independence that is higher than it's ever been. I truly feel in every fiber of myself that it's okay to be on my own. It's okay to not get the love story for a moment. What I thought I wanted turned out to be the very lesson that is teaching me that I'm not ready to settle just yet; lest it be with someone who isn't ready to settle with me either.

While my heart is on a thread lately with the dangers ensued of my sister's health, my financial woes are overwhelming but doable, and though I may be slightly disappointed in this new found decision; I understand that love isn't easy; it's never a smooth path either and it takes time to build it into a formable fashion to which you will have a lasting future with said person.

Still, I can't help but wonder, does it ever stop? Does the complicated array of battles and mind boggles take a back seat once the truth gets closer to being near?

So, I'm taking my chances, I'm going to keep pushing ahead, because that is what my mother would of likely wanted of me. Her anniversary date is tomorrow. A rough date for me but a day to reflect, remember, and remind myself that I am loved. Even if life throws a curve at me; I know deep down; I have to fight through it because I've come too far to give up now. I've come too close to the real thing to let it fade away.